Issashiburi da ne?

It's been a while since I've posted.

Don't get ur hopes too high for a picture post though...coz there ain't gonna be one :P Disappointed? Yeah, I thought so hahaha.

Anyway, I've stayed at a friends place for almost 3 days now. Been out meeting people and having a relaxing time.

I've always wondered if I would ever get a break from home; I finally got one.

After a discussion with my parents, I've decided that there are 5 things that I should accomplish be next year.

1) Dancing class. - Latino, social and hip hop.
2) Music - Retake my teacher's qualification exam in June. *Reminder: Register by February*
3) English - O-levels/SATs
4) Math - Basics, enough to get me to college
5) Japanese - Take proficiency test for year 2007 and join bon odori's performance next year.

Only 5 things, but it's really up to me to make it happen.

I've been very confused and I needed time away from all the work happenin. To my suprise, there are some nice people out there who knows how to treat you like a friend :) It's nice when I can have a civilized convo with people who do not agree with me or it's conflicting with their beliefs without getting into an arguement. There are no wins or losses. It's good *thumbs up* It makes them look mature and it also benefits me! It makes me look mature talking to more matured ppl! Muahahahha :P

What else is goin on? Some things are best left unsaid. Quoted, go figure who ;)

Neway, I have an appointment with my dear dear May on wednesday to meet up at a mall and chit chat =) I'm so glad to talk to her and she's glad to see me too! *Should have seen how estatic she was on the phone :P *

Can't wait and I hope things resolve soon. It's been a painful week for me and I'm taking time off to heal. So spare me lectures aight? =P

Margarita...mMm.. sweet stuff..mmMm...stress relieving beverages! They rock and I've never felt higher than hyper !

Oh btw, DO NOT buy anything you have not tried from 7 eleven because they suck. I should have followed me gut feelin ya noe? I wanted pringles and ended buying honey stars...

I guess that's it for now. I'm waitin for something spectacular to happen.

"A mind so scarred, it doesn't have a mind of its own anymore." - Babychocolattes, 06

Toodles! Getting a migraine already...

Off to watch the miracle healer - Dr. House! Hawt *Pweet*

NBTD

I don't know what goes on in my mind seriously.

It's like I wanna make ppl happy, but they don't see it that way. Then I try my best to be happy and nice; I get taken for granted.

It's always been a lil confusing. Things just happen at randomness and it makes me feel as if I'm not making progress, not getting the point through. Or maybe I'm not the one, but I feel that responses are random and therefore I feel taken aback.

I used to wake up for a reason. Until now, I still do. But it is slowly, becoming vague; day by day.

My mom asked me, what I wanted to do today. Or for that matter, the whole year. I told her it hasn't been easy on me lately. But I also know it's no excuse for me to laze around or procrastinate. I'm still working, studying (homeschooled way, don't ask), socializing and doing chores. But when she asked me, "what do you wake up for?", I stoned. Stunned. Speechless.

For once, I had nothing to say back to her. And I was angry with myself for that. I felt like blamming my mom, but all I could was blame myself.

Nothing is solid anymore. I'm not solid. You're not solid. My life is not solid. I have a direction, but no purpose. It has been lost within me. My heart always feels uneasy but I bear with it. I'm proud of myself, that when I hang out with my friends, I no longer show them that I am scared or sad.

I feel like crying. But I hold it in. I feel like giving up. But I have envisioned a future.

What if I was kidnapped? Will anyone actually go frantic?
What if I was abused, will I be cared for specially?
What if I was dying? Will I be granted my selfish wishes?

Is it wrong to love so deeply and tolerate but get hurt in the process?
Why do we show that we love sincerely with our hearts, but yet question the process of getting hurt?
Why do questions of the heart have to be a logical one?
If all things were a reasonable doing, why do some ppl go to the extreme of showing that they love someone?
Isn't love an individual but yet partners uniqueness?

Then again my mom's question comes into my head.
"What do you wake up every day for?"

It makes me think, maybe I shouldn't wake up anymore.

But I can't do that, can I... it will hurt everything that I've worked so hard to attach back. Furthermore, the vision is still something I'm hoping for.

Pain

I hate pain.

I hate pains in my chest which are happening frequently now.
I think it's heartache but I also think that it needs med attention.
But I hate docs.
Stubborn-ness.

I hate myself.
My assuming capabilities goes farther than reality.
It becomes and imagination.
Which leads to paranoia.

I hate that I always need reassurance.
As if, I have none of my own.

I hate that I go so far to do somethings sometimes.
But knowing that I cannot expect anything in return.
Or having an open mind, would just ease so many things,
But it's harder said than done.
Which sucks.

I hate the sleepless nights that brings more paranoia.
Not all the time.
Sometimes, I'm just hyper.

I hate my needs to know.
To know what is and what's not.
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In the end, I only hate one thing.

I hate myself for not being happy 247.
But I'd say I'm doing quite well.
Emotions are flaring and hard to control, but I've learnt to keep them to myself.
Though I hate the ones which are made complicated.

Though pain brings more pain and misery...it brings me back to reality.

*Pinch pinch pinch*
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(Owh.. it was but just a dream)
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Haha!!! Gotcha. :P
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You thought I was emo right. Lol.
Cheese *Flash*
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*Stupid face* Printed succesfully :D

Blogspot is being mean

I cannot upload pics. And therefore I cannot post a pic post tonite. Too bad for you all. Lol!

It's almost 5am. I'm chatting with no life vampire club president, Kah Jin and I'm high.

I'm so hyper right now, I don't even know what I'm hyper about.

*thinks hard...*

OH! I ate jam and bread. No wonder-lah.

I feel the cramming pain in my stomach but the hyper-ness is really distracting me...which is good...I like it. :D

I wanna post pic posttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH.. pms-ing is not good atm.

I miss my teddy bear. I'm downstairs; cannot hug. :(

Oh.. that gives me an idea. I shall sleep downstairs tonight !

I have a request here.

I need someone to talk to me every night till I fall asleep. Then, I can sleep earlier and once again live a healthy lifestyle. Any takers? I'd really appreciate it. :)

Weeeeeeeee~~ I'm just passing time here. Don't mind me. LOL!!

Actually, I wouldn't mind an mp3 player that I can carry around. Or and iPod..!! Muahahaha. *points to the person who owns one :P* YOU know who you are >"<

I love you,
You love me?
I want to be by your side,
With a great warm hug,
And a *smack* from me 2 you!
Won't you tell me that you loveee.. meee... tooo !!!! :D

What is goin thru my head ?!

Wow~ Pretty nails :)

Yuna cosplay. Not bad at all. Looks decent.

"aAHhhh.. kawaii desho?!" Peace sign always works with kids :P Cute cosplayers

Looking...out of place, but still not bad of a costume though not my fav.

Still acceptable.
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But....

Wtf is this?! EWWWWWWWWWWWWW >"<

And this?! HUH?!?!?!? Who do you think you are dude? =.=" Lose the hair at least ... *shivers*

Though this one is small... but you can see it so obviously. WEAR a PROPER costume laR! And please.. one that suits your size. -.-

*ARGHHH!!* Internet has been a bitch. Shoot it!! Die die die die :X

*Heartbroken*

"Be mine :)"

" Kiss me if you want me; kiss me passionately if you love me."

*There is no snow in Malaysia :( * How?! Does it mean I won't get an angel's kiss? How about Korea? Do they have angels there? Skiing ~~ Weeee =.=

Nice car. Supra...and it's elegant yet sporty :D

"Take my hand, Lead me... and dance with me!"
*Sexy latino salsa*
*Music....ON!*
*Now playing - Bailamos (Enrique Iglesias)*
*shake ur booty.. uh huh uh huh...*

"Hush little baby... dont say a word, momma's gonna buy you a mocking bird..."
*A very familiar position... oh.. ahhaha... I sleep like that sometimes xD*

*Are you thinking about me?*

I'm becoming a panda. But but but... it''s so cuteeeee!
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Wahliao...dyaem a lot of random-ness. This is proof that I'm actually turning into a panda *Gasp*!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *Shakes head vigorously*

Yawn

It's 3am.

I can't sleep.

Oh! I remember.. I woke up at 7 freakin pm! =.=

Just finished a game of dota. For once, I actually feel that karma is coming against me. Since yesterday, I've been losing all the games. Hmmm... shows, maybe something bad is coming? I don't know la.

I was so totally, not hyper today. PMS + a bad mood, doesnt help. So you get a very emo Sarah. Not hyper = no talking = No blabbing = No talking cock = No playing = no fun. And actually the list is longer than that but hey, I'm pms-ing remember?!

I wanna pamper myself. I need to. Facial and massage. Just need to know the pricing. Then, ladies and gents, I shall be on my way, indulging myself =) Don't have someone to sayang me, let the pros do it!

Mua.ha.ha.ha.

Since I'm bored, let's talk about me.

I'm a girl. Duh. I like to be called for parties, outings and happenings. I like pink, black, and brown. I don't mind white too. Er...I am special person. I'm too smart to go to school. HAHA. Who am I kidding.. I like school. sigh. okay, let's not talk about emo things.

I'm very very blur. At times. You can hardly see me serious when I'm outside. I like dota, but I get owned. I like ice-cream but I scared to get fat. I like dancing but I'm quite shy infront of muh frenz. I like music but I'm afraid to pursue it. SO MANY BUTS!

I miss my baby. I miss his pressence and his soothing words. I miss going out on dates with him. I miss the times where we didn't have to fight over petty things. I miss the bed in Africa. I miss waking up by ur side. I miss cooking for you. I miss coming unexpectedly OR expectedly to your room to wake u up. I miss holding your warm hand. I miss that when I was cold, you were always there to keep me warm. I miss your jokes. I miss the normalcy between us. I miss the times we ate ice cream together. I miss watching movies with you. I miss spending quality time with you. I miss being your family. I miss calling you when u're dota-ing. I miss the times where you would stop what you were doing and talk to me. I miss the times when I could cry on your shoulder. I miss the times where we could comfort each other. I miss it when you would miss call unexpectedly. I miss the times you were sweet. I miss the times where there were less stress. I miss January 2006. I miss the protectiveness you had over me when guys tried to take advantage of me.

Oh..enough of me reminiscing on the memories. It's too much, I'm gonna cry :(

If only...sigh.

Anyway, somthing happier! :)
Ppl view me as:- (Bold ones are what I think is true :P) ehehe...

- Cute
- Pretty
- Funny
- Stupid at times
- Dumb
- Loving
- Caring
- Kind...sometimes too kind
- Playful @ times
- Like to laugh a lot
- When hyper, do not disturb, you may get hurt! Rawr =)
- Loyal
- Musically-inclined
- Shy
- Girlie
- Loves a special someone a lot (MULTIPLY TO THE POWER OF Infinity!)
- The willingness to see good in ppl I care about
- Forgiving person but not forgetting
- Fussy
- Naughty
- Indecisive
- Over-protective sometimes
- Jealous
- Competitive @ certain things
- Easily moved/touched
- Quite compromising
- Vulnerable
- A matured thinking, but not so matured doing
- Dota freak
- Skirt freak
- Sporty @ certain times
- Submissive
- Listener
- A person who tries to understand but normally gets backfired on her own actions (true enough.)
- Helpful when needed
- Rebellious
- Hopeless romantic
- Manja :P
- Fragile
- Inspiracy-driven
- Poet in the making *Lol*
- Loves being loved by him
- Loves to care for him
- Easily saddened
- Likes dance & music
- Emotionally unstable when it comes to the troubles of the heart
- Thoughtful person
- Sporting if you rub me the right way, if not... you get a very unsporting me.
- Needs to build up self-esteem and confidence
- Needs to be more open-minded
- Needs to be more sarcastic
- Learn how to be stronger

OH! Is it that long already? Wow. I must be some pretty interesting person huh. *perasan* Lol. Neway, the list goes on and on... so it has to stop somewhere first and keep the best for last !

*The ones I didn't bold, is not that it's false. Just not a strong point :P

It's 3.41am. Argh! Still not sleepy. How? Continue blogging lor.

About what?

-.- "

KO. Game over. Next post is coming soon...*hint..picture post...hint*

Dulan-ed

I had quite a long sleep today. By that I meant 12 hours. From last night, 3am till this morning, I meant, evening; 3.30pm =) Firstly, there were clothes with hangars in my room and around 10.30am or so, my mom came knocking on my door. I mumbled.. something dunno what already.. and opened the door. As predicted, she asked me for the hangars. So, I closed the door and looked for em. Found them in the corner of my room. Then, from outside, my mom knock and knock and KNOCK the bloody freaking door- again & again & again!

Damn annoying right? Summore at that time, I woke up at the wrong side of the bed already, still she wants to do that! Cannot wait is it! Dulan.

Went back to sleep. Woke up- happier. Ate breakfast. Washed up. Came down. Argued with my brother. Then dad got so emo, dunno why. "You want me to die first then only you both will stop arguing is it?!", and guess what we were arguing about? - the com.

He used it. Then he went to the toilet. How in the world am I supposed to know, that he wants to use it?! So I happily sat there, going to dota already; had an appointment at 4.30pm to play. After the boy did his business, he came to me like he wanted justice. wtf?! and! I did not do anything wrong. That was when my dad said "that sentence".

I won the arguement, of course. Muahahhaa. So, I went to play dota. First game- disconnected. Second game - With a bunch of muh goodie friends, and it was soo fun AND we were WINNING! until... I got disconnected AGAIN. Dulan-ness. Cannot take it already. Went off and checked my internet connection. Nothing really wrong. Don't know why I got dc-ed. Argh. Stress. :( God always wanna take away my moment of glory *wuwuwuwuwuw* Nvm larh! I let you take >"< Now I'm here, blar blar-ing about it. I feel much better. The internet better don't screw up again! Later I'll dota again.

*Threatening the internet*
*Glee*
*Glee*

A lesson learnt today: I will not play dota, when my brother is in the same room. He just ruins everything, from talking, to making unecessary noises and shaking the bloody chair for God knows what reason. Pitiful.

Pride in my baby B

Remember that I said in my previous posts that, I...Sarah will fail my Jap test. Guess WHAT?! I beat the odds! I did not fail. In fact, I got a B :) *Yeah yeah, what so great about a B right?!* But the thing is, I only studied 3 days before exam. During those 3 days, I've been designing props for an event and had hardly any time to open up the Jap book and study seriously. In other words, I did last minute cramming. But I crammed enough to get a B, though I've learnt that, I could've gotten an A if I studied consistently :( Ahh...but let us not talk about the B.

Btw, too bad you all cannot ZOOM IN and see what is written! Muahahahahah :P But I think you guys can see it vaguely -.-

Something I bought today. AND my couz sat on it! She didn't even notice :( You guys cannot flick my"hairpao" anymore!!! Especially ALON! and TEOH WEI! Lol

This is the girl version of beads that I bought. Another one, is more suitable for a guy. But maybe a lil too small... but some guys do wear them small... I hope..

And finally! Introducing me ! I just love taking photos with shades nowadays... Maybe its a trend for me.. atm. But, I will be getting bored with it soon, and in need of some variety of photos! :P

This is me.

Yes, I like to cam-whore. At times... only. Blerks xD
1) On cam
2) Strike up a pose
3) Adjust the cam angle
4) Smile and look stupid
5) Voila! You get a pretty pic like ME!
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*Shut up, I know you're laughing!!*

Potong potong

Just came back frm Uncle's bday. Lol. I don't come for a few weeks, my couz(s) says "a few" words to me. -.- Anyway...I was in the car with muh fam, and we talked la. There were 2 convos that were stupid today.


Dialogue #1

Dad: You know Daryl, you should read more on Thomas Edison, since you study in Edison Explorers.
Bro: Oh, okay. *Then he starts talking about, mechanics and scientific dunno whats and what nots, about failures and courage... and bla bla bla bla bla*

-After around 5 mins... I decided to talk about failures and courages too!-

Me: Do you know that Abraham Lincoln was very courageous too.
Bro: Why? Why is he courageous one?!
Me: You don't know?!?! Omg *gasps*
Bro: No I don't know lah... *Getting irritated*
Me: You really don't know meh?!
Bro: I really don't know leh!
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Me: Oh, actually...I also don't know LAH! *Grin*

Lol >"< Dialogue #2

Later when we reached home, my mom and dad had one convo. It went like..

*Mom ruffling around the fridge, looking or packing or arranging stuff -.- Er, neway suddenly...*

Mom: Owh.. oh... Dear, you forgot to go to seapark and collect the chicken !
Dad : Owh... oh.. I brought it back in the afternoon already-lah. :P

Manglish is teh BOMB! :P

Guess what?

I was dying to post; here it is. A PICTURE post! Ya happy now! Ish ish... :P Post the most obvious one first! Hehe :)

Subject #1 What is this?

Subject #2 Is this edible?

Subject #3 No strings attached?

Subject #4 Oooh! Pink, sweet color. Is it pau? =.=

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Anyway, No.1 is my french manicure nail laquers. Pink and White :P B-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l!

Second one was this:-
Yes, a very special piggy; wearing my expensive cap! :P I made him wear it anyway -.-

Next, the black thing. Ohohoho. That is a panty. Whether it's mine or NOT, I ain't telling. Only one person knows *Giggle*

Last but not least; Something pink. It was ....
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Yeap. You guessed it right, I think -.- A poring!
THIS! Tw, ring any bells? Lol. Cute la. *Doink doink*

And my masterpiece! My bear bear, wears designer's clothings! So style-o :D Oh btw, I designed this outfit. Muahahahaha. Look at him so happy... *Touched*

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I also did a lil cam whoring today.
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I'll be watching you!

Stressing note: I have Jap exam tomorrow, and I KNOW that I will fail. Sigh. I need all the luck I can muster! Good luck to meeeee >"< style="font-style: italic;">Unwillingly! And of course, that's why... it's a Saturday =( I'm supposed to be playing! :P

Oh! Just now, when I was at KAOS, I had an annonymous phone call. I seriously, seriously, didn't know who it was; it sounded SOOOO familiar. So, he started to test me la, I guess. Ask me where I am, who I'm with and guess who HE was. Wah, it was a bit terrifying la- he knew a lot about me, and sounded like he actually KNEW me in person. And, in the end, I actually knew him too. AND we were related... some sort =.="

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My UNCLE called. My mom gave my hp num to him! I was like, wahliao-eh. Need to be so spy-ish meh. But then I was wrong. He called to tell me tomorrow I better go to his bday party, coz I've missed a lot of fam stuff. I seriously didn't notice that ANYONE would NOTICE I'm not present; Cousins aren't really talkative or even communicative towards me. and ONLY me. So, I thought, "hey, no biggie. No one will notice anyway." But my uncle did. So, I do feel a lil better- at least my relatives takes note that I'm not present OR to invite me and MAKE SURE that I come. Thanks kao gong :P

That was one funny phone call in KAOS. I feel so stupid now. HAHAHAHA. I can't help it.. I'm gonna say it out.

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I knew it ! I knew it ! I knew it ! ARGhhhh!! I knew it was my uncle >"< style="font-weight: bold;"> *Evil laugh*

*All pics, taken today and courtesy of my ROOM and my stuff animals! Weeeee ~

*Beep*

Heaven?

My appetite is back.

I don't feel so weary anymore! :) Thanks to water, and less nagging from parents = less stress.

I'm officially allowed to post another post today! 14th of Sept!

I think I need to do something to my hair. Make it look lighter. I don't like it now. Hopefully the lady understands my instructions to cut -.-" Dowan to look weird.

Just finish a game of dota. Fun. Soo funny but yet challenging. We defended it till the end! Rawr :D First time I cannot farm T_T too lazy and dizzy. SO! I just let my hero stand there and wack wack wack xD

I'm not sleepy now...so bored. Maybe i'll o2jam for a bit.

I dread to see tomorrow :( It's work day again.

*I just ruined my own mood... wtf? Lol*

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*Just kidding*

-.-"

I just posted 4 posts today itself.

*This* proves how lifeless I was today. Blardy hell. But it's okie because, I needed a rest today. I'm feeling better than last night. So is my dad, but he's still weak. I have one assignment to do tomorrow, and it has to be done by tomorrow night. So sad, right? Some more, it's not like, computer work you know! Handy work arh >"< Can die man.

Stress wei.

But nvm, I'm getting paid to do it. Lolz! No, I'm not telling you how much. *Sneers* Muahahaha. It's not much though, but it's still cash. Be appreciative! :P

I still have puffy eyes due to the crying last night. *And* also, coz I sleep late. *Shows an angelic face*

Oh btw, I need books to read. Recommendations of any nice and interesting books? *Ethan* I know you have some (good) recommendations. Nyahaha. *hint hint*

Anyway~ *someone* didn't bring me the thumbdrive today. Ohohoho, I wonder who... Dare ka na..? So there aren't any pictures to upload yet. Blame *someone* HAHAHAHA :P

But I feel a cam-whore session of myself coming soon. Suddenly damn semangat =.=" Neway, that is yet to be decided.
Warning: Do Not Get Your Hopes Too High!

I'll be stopping here for now. Oh, someone has purposed an idea of starting a bloggie together, for events and pictures purposes. It will be up a few days after SPM trials are over. Until then, I ain't telling you the address!

Lol. I feel so evil today. Yes, evil. Don't say I can't be evil! I can too! *Stick out tongue*

Grr!!! See my angry and ferocious growl? Hear that?! Be afraid pplz :D

Evil side: Ahh...It's good to be *BACK*!
Good side: Oh please! Control yourself!

Me: *laughs*

Waltz of love

Brush away the anger,
Take away the jealousy,
Comfort the tears,
So it will cause no stir,
Cover it all,
With a warming touch,
Showing the care,
With a cuddly hug,
You may not believe me,
You may not believe my feelings;
I held on for so long,
But at one point,
It took a wrong turn,
Am I not to be forgiven forever?
Come home,
Come back,
End the bitterness,
For I need you now;
More than ever,
A soft cry for help;
Seeking another chance,
Take my hand once again,
And let's dance;
The beautiful waltz,
That waltz me into your heart,
I need your comfort,
I need your love,
Come back, come home...
My dear.

*::* Chocolattes *::*

Awful Wednesday; in need of a warm hug :(

I've had such a bad morning, and morning as in from 2am onwards. I was still up...had a slight fever. I was switching off the coms, when I couldn't breathe. It's like getting suffocated. I've never had this so bad before. The last time was, in my sleep; I just couldn't suck in air, but thankfully, with the correct mindset, I managed to calm myself down. But yesterday's was totally different. I couldn't breathe, that's for one, the next thing I knew, I picked up the phone, to sms someone. That's when I started to get dizzy... I kinda panicked, coz it's something I've never dealt with before. Felt like another fainting spell was coming. I was quite scared.

After 15 mins or so... I regained my breathing pace. My head hurt like hell; I think due to lack of oxygen, and I was sweating for a bit. Cold sweat. It's like having period :(

Anyway, I went up to my room. I tried to sleep. I think I did when insomnia striked again. So, practically, I was up till around 4am. Wanted to tell mom, that I wasn't feeling well so I went into her room. But I saw her sleeping so nicely, I just couldn't wake her up.

So, I went to my room. Suddenly, I started crying... my chest hurt, tears came rolling down. I don't know why, I don't know why. I cried my heart out, just hoping that I wouldn't wake my parents up. I don't know how long I cried- I guess till I fell asleep.

When I woke up, it was 9.30am. Headaches were banging on my head, coughing out dry cough, and also still running on a slight fever. I've never been so sick this year. The last time was probably, 2 years ago. I had goldfish eyes; I was miserable.

Unfortunately, my dad was sick too. He had to see a doc last nite. Gastric problems. Not the ones because you didn't eat, but because of gas in the stomoch. He looked so strong, although I know the pain he was in. Get well soon, dad. *hugs*

So now, I'm weak, blogging and practically, feeling pain. I just needed to let it out here.

Here's a poem:-

Though times may be fun now,
I've never managed to know how,
You seem so near,
But yet, so far...
And all that's left,
Is this scar.
Seems that for you I will,
Put a happy smile,
And always be cheerful,
Taking it all in, with personal style.
Small things that count,
I wonder what I'd be,
But without knowing,
I did it; small things,
Worthy to see,
It always have been true,
Worry not,
It's only me.
There's been no lies,
Just sighs and glees,
But in the end of day,
I always look for something,
That could make you happy,
Enjoying it with you,
Anything new,
And never ever forget that,
I still and will always love,
You...

Words, are all I ever had...

Words, will always be words.

Words, will they always just be words?

One change of mood, and situation, changes everything.

Has anything been said, meant true feelings?

I wonder, wonder, and wonder.

Today, is a special day. Well, for me. I wanted to wish you earlier, but I hesitated...

I don't know where I stand.

But in my heart, it's very clear, you stand where you have always been.

Happy Anniversary. May you wake up not grumpy and sappy.

Smile :)

Bored outta my arse

It's 2.08am.

I'm not asleep.

Why?

I don't know.

Here I am sitting down, blogging nonsence, uninteresting things, eating papayas, hoping my boobs will grow bigger. -.-" Yeah, right...

Just finished o2jamming with a friend. I totally suck at medium level :( There has to be a secret on how to practice all the hard moves! Secret technique indeed...

There aren't any animes to watch.

Why?

Because they're not releasing it fast enough, and anime writers have manga blockade.

Sigh.

This is disastrous.

I need a life.

A better one.

One that can have lotsa activities, fun and also sleeping time -.-"

Well, there is only one thing I can do now...
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*Bite, bite, chew, chew.... enjoy every bite...*

Oh, how deliciously soft and sweet the papaya tastes :)

Important note:-

Yesterday was the anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist incident that caused so much chaos and devastation. So many people died; confirmed 2948 deaths and 24 missing. It was a day where the skies were black, hearts were broken, families taken away; innocent lives sacrificed.

They were inhumane people that could even think of such an act. To bomb the WTC, the willingness to suicide and risk the many other lives living there.

In time, I hope that peace will come where even terrorists becomes more logical and live appreciatively. We are all very fragile. We'll never know what may happen tomorrow, so live it as much as you can today.

In memory of victims who were involved in the 9/11 incident. May God bless their families and God bless everyone else too.

Have a nice day :)

OMG OMG OMG OMG !!!

Scared me to death.

I thought I'd never be able to come back.
I thought that all would be lost forever...
I thought I would never hear from you guys ever...

I blamed myself for executing such a thing.
I shocked myself till 3am last night.
I never thought that I would forget the name.

I thought that I would never be able to write again.
I thought that I've lost my happy place.
It felt like losing a freaking diary! :(

My life was about to end after all the hard work, and time that I've put in.
I couldn't take it!

All I did was panic, panic and PANIC!
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But the Goddesses blessed me this morning...So now I'm telling you what happened.

OMG OMG OMG OMG !!!
I forgot my username and password to this blog account.
Never thought that my memory was this char :)
*Clicks on [remember me] mode.

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Last nite, around 12am, I was downloading stuff from someone so that I could post some pics today. I left it there, until 6.30am, setted an alarm clock to wake me up so that I can OFF the computer. But, noooo... I have no freaking idea what happened then because, it said "Failed to receive file from sender..." or something something like that! I was like "What?! You're kidding me right? ... Argh!" I went back to sleep grumpy and today, I'm going to try again! If this doesn't work. I'll freaking call up streamyx and scold them nicely. Ish ish ish...

Note to self : Please clean your room, Sarah. It's getting dirtier, *grin* more plastic bags everywhere. Clean your cupboard too. Brush bear bear also.

IMPORTANT note to self: THIS WEEK is your JAPANESE exam... so please, even if you can't study, do it anyway~ You don't wanna fail DO YA?!?! Oh btw, Please get an A, kthxbye!!!

Okay, so that's it for now... I'm going to study now... *wails*

...

Yeah, great.

What a nice feeling this is...

Ever felt being taken for granted...?
*Not to mention my ego is quite high...*

That's what I'm feeling.

Dunno why, don't know what about...

Secrets, secrets, secrets..

How will I ever feel secure again? I wonder.

I feel like crap

Sigh.

What is wrong with me?

As I'm writting this, I feel depressed, and tears are flowing down my cheek. I've been so strong; what is it that has broken me down this time?...

I really want to know my identity. Who am I? Because right now, I'm just drifting, along a solitary road. I cannot move on; something is missing.

Headaches are more consistent nowadays, and also, fatigue. Am I getting some disease? Sickness? What is it?

PS: Anyone knows what is required to purchase sleeping pills? I need to know. Thanks.

Dear God,

Help me to be strong today. Shower me with your warmth that could make me smile. Erase all the unhappy and heartbreaking things that I'm bound to see. Please, just today, I need to be happy. It is all for one person. Show me that you love me Father, for I don't really know what to do. Lead me today, and I will follow.

Amen.

Sigh, another dilemma

I'm ordered a present that was supposed to be given away THIS week. Unfotunately, the lady said, don't have stock. Blardy hell! Guess I have to find a replacement a.s.ap. :(

Feel like shitz now. Argh. Nvm. Moving on...

I want to be slimmer. I feel that I'm fat and I have an unbalanced body :( Exercise doesn't help me anymore because I don't have the discipline and furthermore, it has been raining these days. I have no mood at all, coz it's all so gloomy and dark. I haven't been eating right. Eating junkies and less veges. Sucks.

Maybe I should:-
- Take weight loss mix
- Slimming rice
- Worse comes to worse, go to the slimming center and require about slimming your body.

But before all that, I plan to do at least 100 sit ups a day. Badminton 2 times a week. Swimming once a week. That should be able to get me off to a start.

Oh, today is Friday. I'm doing volunteery work again. Might take photos. See how first. I hope I don't have to cut raw stuff again. Just painted my nails hahahahah!!! Wish me all the best! Hope I come back in one piece =
And for the record, these few days I've had mood swings. Wonder whether my period is coming? The slightest things agitates me T_T I don't wanna hurt anyone's feelings. Hopefuly I don't. BLAME the PERIOD!!! :D

Neway, internet is being a bitch ONCE again. I think I'll dota now.

Ja ne! Mata ashita =)
Oyasuminasai

A happy day for me =)

I managed to do what I set out to do today which is going to ur place, preparing the "props" and u came home suprised! Thank you for being happy and nice to know that you loved the pressent :)

Yesterday was full of crapiness, and frustration thinking whether I could make it today, but it all paid off! I am happier than I have been for months, of all days, today.

I went to the nail shop too, bought O.P.I nail polish! French manicure colors; pink and white. So pretty *Eye shines* I did a manicure myself, and I must say, it's not too bad for a first timer like me ehehehhe :P Shall post pics either tomorrow, or the day after. So wait for it!

I slept at 8 something, and now I'm so awake T_T Feel like dota-ing. Should I ? Should I not ? We'll see in an hour :P One ap and one ar game. *Prays that it won't be like yesterday's yong sui-ness*
- First game > many leavers
- Second game > also leavers
- Third game > Server shut down -.- Sakai !

ALSO! I feel bloody fat. Tomorrow I have a mission. (Oops, sorry, I meant MISSIONS)

Mission 1
Wake up at 8am and go jogging.

Mission 2
After jogging, come back and do 200 sit ups.

Mission 3
Not eating lunch.

Mission 4
Evening jog and 200 sit ups as a follow up.

Mission 5
No eating rice during dinner.

Mission 6
Go to sleep happy :)

Wish me luck! *bleks*

Happy Birthday, my dear...

Today is someone special and close to my heart's birthday. He turns 17 today.

Std 5 - Just looking and looking, Didn't even speak to you
Std 6 - I checked you out, you sorta did too, our first conversation, our first relationship
Form 1 - We broke up

Form 3 - You came back =) *I was so happy...I still remembered I confused you a lil coz of all the excitement!*
- Lord of the Rings brought us together ! Lol *hugs*
- First kiss, first everything :P and first time meeting your parents! such a great and fun year, especially when I spent Xmass, chinese new year, ur bday, my bday with YOU!

Form 4 - The first overseas trip we took together, as a family ... *I miss those times...and I wish that it could happen again, with you*
- Woke up every morning beside you
- Cook every meal with you
- We kept each other warm
- Slept in the car beside you, keeping me warm
- Our shopping spree there was fun!
- Remember the keychains we bought?!
- Remember I was quite fascinated that they had McD's there?!
- Remember the dress you saw me in?
- Remember how you bullied your brother till he almost cried? Lol!
- Remember the kiss we had at the restaurant?!
- Remember how you scared storm with the "explosive" candy?
[So much more, so little time to tell...I shall share it again one day =)]...
- We had so much FUN and LOVE...*I hope I can show you once again, the love that I always had for you...*

This moment will never be forgotten,
as it will always be in my heart.
Smilez in the cold!
This was an express pic coz it was bloody cold there!!!

A special picture we both share :)
Cute right?
If only arguements could stay this way!

Form 5 - This year. Hectic year. A year of challenges. A year of mistakes. A year of sadness, anger, frustration, jealousy, tears, depression, confusion but also a year of fun, and forgiveness.
- If I could wish for something to happen this year, it will be for you to be happy. But also for you to accept me once again...as I have also my share of mistakes done. I want to start again. Try to forgive me as I have for you. I'm learning too. I know I'm a dumb arse sometimes but that doesn't mean that I'm ignoring you. Though I did, but I suffer the consequences now. Don't push me or shrug me away... Because I need you now too.
- I made a present for you. Handmade, as usual. I want to see you so badly today...we'll see how it goes.
- I've given up almost everything, to get past this. I just want you to enjoy yourself on this very special day okie? Smile, and be happy...I'm sure you would like that too.

Always cool and collected, smart and sanguined personality, a cheerful smile and lookin sexy. Love you babes. Always have, even during the hatred moment.

Stay happy, caring and the handsome guy you are. Playful and smart. I loved you, and I still do. Here I am, on your birthday, asking for you to forgive me, and heal together with me, so that even times spent with you now, do not go to waste. As it is precious to me and I hope to you too. Pardon my stubborn character, and stupid attitude at times; it is never intentional, but complicated. I miss you very much, although I don't seem to show it. The reason why is probably, right now, I feel very vulnerable.

A very very Happy Birthday to Han-xian; a fun loving and dumbarse at times :P

If you need to say something out to anyone, I'm here.
If you need me to come over, I would.
If you need me to stay by your side, I would.
If you need me to do something for you, I will.
If you ever need to cry in someone's arms, I will be there if you call me.
If you ever want a reason to smile, let me be that reason once again.
If you ever need to be cared and protected, let me do the honors.
If you ever need help, let me do what I can, though it's not much.
If you ever need to share the pain, let me take the burden from you.
Not because, I need to, to get back on your good side, but because I care and love you that's why I want to. Trust me once again, like I have took the first step.

*Poem supposed to be slotted here...but it's getting late. I have to sleep. I'll post it tomorrow when it's polished and prefected!*

Hugs & Kisses & Slapping & Wrestling & etc etc, nyahaha, don't know what I wanna write leh... Keep on guessing forever!

Lovingly yours,
Sarah a.k.a Chiqaz a.k.a Sa :P

Stay strong my dear. The good things have yet to come. Don't give up on us now.
Today is YOUR day! YOUR birthday! Enjoy your moment of birth and remember to smile ! =)

A 5am birthday song!

Happy Birthday to YOU,
Happy Birthday to YOUU,
Happy Birthday dear HAN-XIAN!
Happy happy birthday...TO....YOUUUUUUUU!!!

*Clap clap clap clap*
*Makes a wish*
*Blows candles*
*Get a kiss from ME!* AHHAAHAH. Just kidding =P

What's happening to me?

This morning, or rather afternoon, I woke up and got out of bed. As I was walking to the bathroom, I collapsed. Again. What the hell?! This time was really unexpected. My bro and mom were downstairs and they heard me banging something.

When I woke up, my knee had one cut and a bum; until now, it still hurts.

Let's speculate shall we? (coz I don't remember what happened, and how I got the cuts...)

I woke up, I walked to the bathroom and blacked out. Apparently, my leg was banging repeatedly on the door until I regained my consciousness. My head felt heavy and my face was red. So how did I get the bruises?

I'm thinking seizure. -.- Coz, after I blacked out, my leg was physically moving, hitting something. I don't know what happened and this is the third time, I fainted this year. Damn. I wonder what is happening to me? My mom wants to take me to the doc, but I refused because I don't like em.

I'm hoping that there will be no fourth time. I've had enough of this. It's too scary and could be traumatizing.

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Changing the topic; it's the week of exams. SPM trials and UPSR examinations. I wish all the SPM trials student a good luck in their test, do your best, and don't regret! As for the UPSR students, today is the 2nd day of your exam; Good Luck and don't panic! *Typical of those who have taken UPSR would say these kinda things hahaha* But I mean it =) DON'T panic aight?

On a happier note, tomorrow is Hx's birthday. Will be looking forward to it =)
Until then, I shall not post anything to reveal anything. HAHAHAHA. Sparked up your curiosity?
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Yeah, I figured :P

Happy Birthday Big Brodda

This post was supposed to come in on 3rd of September, but my internet was being a biatch to me and therefore you know what happened next.

But I would like to wish my Big brodda teoh wei a Happy Happy BELATED Birthday =) Hope that you will do well in college, be more talkative and say less of char-dou-ness, and also not to forget, fighting with leen less and hopefully both of you can develope a siblings love *pukes* hhahahaha okay, that was mean. But it IS what I wish for you :P

When you get a gf, intro her to me okay?!?! Then I will check her out and see whether I approve or not :P Nyahahha.

When you graduate, don't forget to invite me to your Gradutation Day so we can celebrate together and cam-whore!!!

Be the kind, funny and caring person you've always been. Don't get too influenced by college life until you forget your values!

The History of meeting MIAO-zorr:-

We had 5 years of friendship that you probably know me very well already. It started off in the bus, to eating my food (spagetti, biscuit, bread, fried rice, so on and so forth...) to chatting in school, to hanging with the bunch of ppl we are hanging out with now =)

The first time I saw you, I thought you were some 'tai ko' in school. Haha. Hillarious right. But you never know...you might still have a DARK sight now huh huh?? :P I'm not skeddd!!! ROAR.

So now you're celebrating your 19th birthday! And soon you will be an adult! Enjoy your youth though after 21 you will still remain youthful at heart and soul. Have fun and...
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PS: I will get you back for you-know-what. And you know I WILL.

*Evil laughs*

Happy Belated Birthday once again!

The blur-ness of me

Today, I was so groggy in the morning and yet I still had to play badminton. Headache for a while but after my warm up... I guess I was just a living zombie lol. Anyway~~

After badminton, I went to eat lunch and after lunch, I went back home. I reached my house at 1.30pm! And I only had 30 minutes max to get ready for jap class!

MANA TAU, today DONT HAVE jap class =\ *stones* I rushed, brushed, and dressed up, brought my books and everything else, and reached ss15. Only to find it closed -.-" I should have remembered!!! I knew there was no class today arghhhh >"< stress-nya. So after that, I had to do errands with my parents and THEN only can go home. T_T

How stupid can I be man! Going for class on a "class holiday"... ish ish ish ishhhh !!

I guess I know why I'm blur in dota as well... -.-" coz I'm blur in reality as well ! GRRR :P

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That's the blur-ness of me =) One of my "qualities" HAHAHAHAHAHA *snigger*

Ownage?

Just came back from KAOS. Played dota with a bunch of frenz. At least I didn't feed today =P BUT!! I kena ks-ed and i ks-ed ALOT *slash gg*

Neway, I felt relaxed playing. Then towards the end, I dunno why got this ringing thing in my head, and it hurt so badly... I just wanted to lie down and hug my boster =( I didn't want to go back early but coz of the headache, yeah, no choice lor or else I'll be ruining ppl's day by being in pain. Not my fault anyways :D

On the way home, bought Lays Stax, a potato chip that comes in pringles-like shape. It was the tastiest potato chips i've ever eaten in my WHOLE LIFE! So nice...so nice...*arhhh..yum yum yum...* *Munch munch munch...*

So now, here I am...bored but blogging; I really have nothing to say except...

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"OW! WTF?! WHY SO PAINNN!!!.. cannot tahan.. need to eat panadol already..." T_T wuwuwuwuwuwuwu

So, yeah, the headache owns all.