The greatest torture...

is to be uncertain and unsure.

Dear God,

Please help Adam to go through his current ordeal. It was a sudden shock for all of us. Give him strength to be strong. Please help ease his family's pain. I hope that you would protect his wife, Nicole and daughter Ammeryse from the shock and pain their going through. He is still young and active, so please God, don't abandon him now as his life is just starting to bloom. Please heal him and make him better once again. I pray that he will be alright soon. Help take the worrysome thoughts away as it's only a few days more before Xmas. Bless him Lord, for he did not ask for this. Let him live his life once again.

Amen.

Adam, my prayers goes out to you and your family tonight. I hope you will be well. We all will miss you this Xmas but please recover soon. We love you Adam, don't leave us now :(

Lotsa love,
Sarah.

May the angels sing a song of serendipity tonight.

Guess who's back?

Okaerinasai! =)

Minna san wa ogenkii?

It was gross, and cold but fun.

It was like a nightmare but a dream.

It had no hot water.

It only had the cool breeze as an air cond.

Bugs were all around.
squeek, squeek, chirp chirp, miao miao, crikety crick!

No hairdryer!

No piggy to hug.

No distilled water to drink =( >coz of this I had 4 ulcers<

There were lizards on the rooftop!

Floors weren't squeeky clean.

I was on military ground!

I was flying up in the sky.

I rushed and walked my way out of the bushy and slippery jungle.

... and sadly I came back with a sprained foot. *cries* Lol

Food was good but not so great...still! I can't complain; it was edible.

Everywhere I went, I brought a jacket.

An energetic wake up call in the morning :)

... Did I mention bugs? All the bugs were found near my area :(

Heavy bags. Heavy...heavy bags.

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But I, Sarah, has survived the fun but not so clean experience!
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I'm extremely happy and overwhelmed to say that I'm back!
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Anyone missed me? *bats eyelashes*
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Aww.. I missed you guys too! :D
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Well, now you can see me all you want! Coz I'm back and alive...
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... From camp. Haha. Unfortunately, I FORGOT to bring my cam, so no pics :( *I know, I know, I'm terrible. But not all is lost. I might have pics from other ppl who took. See if they could send it to me =)*

Now, I can have a nice hot shower, a comfy comfy bed, my teddies and my gadgets! Muahhahaha =D Computer, animes, and tv- HERE I COME :)

Xmass is coming. Have you guys finished your xmass shopping?

Coming up next : My wishlist ... *laughs*

Jingle bells ~~ Batman smells and Joyyyy joyyy to the world... coz I'm backz :P *Kiddin ya'll*

Ta!
xoxo

It's those small things that matter

I remembered the first time I heard this was a year after I left school. I was taking a lot of things for granted and my parents brought me to my senses.

"It's the small things that matter. Climb your way up to success. Nothing good will come out of getting spoonfed."

Though then, I thought it was bitterly harsh, I never once forgot. After I complain about a certain matter which I detest and hate, I will regain my composure with just those simple words.

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Recently, I've read a lot about Lee Joon Ki- korean actor. His life wasn't all that great before he became a popular and sought after actor. Looking at him for the first time, made me think that he had everything; good looks, his fans, his fun loving but sensitive personality, etc.

But reading more and more about him makes me think twice before I judge someone by the first impression. I was totally wrong. I won't elaborate much but his family don't live together, and he started out in Seoul only with 300 bucks.

He's successful now and going further to be an accomplished, respected and dedicated actor.

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There is more to life than just looking good, or having the best of looks. The effort and attitude are those that matter. You'll never know when luck will strike but it's only with the amount of hard work that grants us that "miracle".

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People always think that I'm a baby; that I don't try. I guess I'm misunderstood there. Hurts though, but I'm still alive right? There was a part of me who always wanted to be better than others. That competiveness kept me going. Now, it's as if the light has gone out. I'm really trying to figure whether I did anything wrong, or I'm just not meant to do the things I wanted to do.

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I really have no idea what's keeping me going these days. I wake up at odd hours and to be honest I don't like that fact, but somehow, it revolves around my comfort zone. I don't know where to go. While all my friends are already going to college and pre-u, it's not the same for me. My life is a lil more complicated than you think. I've never forgiven my parents for what they made me live through but I also have never given up on studies to pursue what I love. It's very hard being in that position for years and it hurts whever I do something wrong, because people make it sound as if I've detonated a bomb, killing millions of people.

Maybe this is life, but I don't want my life to be this way. I'm not prepared to lose everything- from loved ones to being a normal teen. I'm not mentally ready to sacrifice. Maybe one day, I will realize that no one is ever ready to do certain things.

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Words, they can be inspiring, and spirit boosting, but they also can break you into pieces. Frankly, I can pretend to not like something or someone, but I can never pretend to like something/someone. The words they say could easily break me or mend me. I'm still unable to accept my current situation and the more I sink into denial, the more I will lose out. My mind is getting abused...and I dare not lift a finger to protect it.

That's about it I guess. Random thinking and reflecting. I'm always expecting the worst nowadays but hoping for the best sometimes.

*Lee Jun Ki > Your dance moves, cheerful, playful and sensitive character always makes me want to live a better life. I can always count on you whenever I'm broken. I really thank you for existing and keep up the good work =) Work hard and live up to your dreams! Your songs really describe a part of who I am.

Aza aza fighting!! Bbahsya :)

Nightdreams

If I'd expect - I would probably die with the lost of hope;
If I'd hope - I would probably die for not expecting to know.
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Honto ni gomenasai...is all I could say.

"If only you'd know that the sadness I display, isn't meant to hurt you but to let you know that you could comfort me, when I'm in need." - Babychocolattes, 06

Goodnight, my dearest.
<3<3<3

If only you'd know...

You looked so fresh from afar,
Your classroom door, left ajar;
Everytime, I'd pass by you,
Just to have a glance of your new hair-do.
As glancing days passed by,
The closer we got,
The messages went unnoticed,
Only for something new to suffice.
Time was testing our assertiveness,
For only time could show us the way,
What was to come and may,
Will be something good to stay.
I wouldn't have thought that we'd be,
But God has opened up my eyes,
For me to see that,
What was a destiny,
Was just right in front of me.
While everything now seemed bland,
I know that I'm more than a best friend,
Love doesn't have to be grand,
Love doesn't need to be planned:
Trying to reach out to you,
In hope of the happiness that was always there,
Only thing lacking, was the nurturing and care,
Because of you, my heart seems broken,
But it's only the love inside, left unspoken;
If only you'd know...

*Having to have not brought my Malay literature book, I went into your class. Amongst everyone else, without a single thought, I headed straight to your desk, blushing intensely; asking you whether I could borrow your book. As quickly as I came in, I sprinted out*

Moshi watashi o aitakatta...

...you would say this:

Scenerio

My girlfriends and I just came out from the movie theatre.

"Let's go and eat some pasta shall we?" I suggested.

"Alright! Why not? Let's go!" They answered, enthusiastically.

Meanwhile... in the car, my baby darl missed me and so he called.

Him: Hey babe, where are you now?
Me: Hey baby!! Um, I'm with my friends, outside the theatre going to eat pasta now.
Him: Can we meet? *Puppish tone*
Me: Eh?.. but I'm with my friends.
Him: Must you really eat pasta today?
Me: We all agreed already wor...

Getting a lil tense...

Him: Why must you eat it today?! Don't eat! Come meet me okay?
Me: But...

Manglish starts to appear...

Him: Tell them you have some urgent matters to attend to lah!
Me: Huh....uh..
Him: Can la..can la..
Me: Wouldn't it be... *Interrupted*
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Him: I'll buy you a whole Itallian restaurant! Okiesh? I'm picking you up now!

*Hangs up*

Leaves a confused but a very very happy, delighted ME! Lolz :)

Writtings of the heart

Are they merely words?

Are they merely ink on paper?

Do they in any way hold a significance in our lives?

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"The heart of a fool is in his mouth, but the mouth of the wise man is in his heart." - Benjamin Franklin

"They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel." - Carl W. Buechner

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." - Eleanor Roosevelt

"Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart." - Khalil Gibran

" The truth isn't always beauty, but the hunger for it is." - Nadine Gordimer

"The young do not know enough to be prudent, and therefore they attempt the impossible, and achieve it, generation after generation." - Pearl S. Buck

"Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality. " - Nikos Kazantzakis

"Words are just words and without heart they have no meaning." - Chinese proverb

"English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say." - Garrison Keillor

"I have learnt silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers." - Kahlil Gibran

"I endeavor to be wise when I cannot be merry, easy when I cannot be glad, content with what cannot be mended and patient when there is no redress." - Elizabeth Montagu

"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." - Helen Keller

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I have often pressured myself to the extend of losing my vision in life, to an emotional breakdown, to being a perfectionist and finally when it all comes down to the real deal and doesn't happen the way I planned it to be, I blame myself.

People have always saw that potential in me. But am I the only one who cannot see it because I have not gotten up from past failures? I've degraded myself from being an intellectual person to a person who only knows how to complain about hardships.

Though I may not suffer the poverty of the poor, lonliness of the orphans, and difficulties of the disable, I have my share of pain. Through the last 4 years of my life, I have experienced the greater love that could be even greater, achievements that I never thought I'd have, the perseverance to do things which are neccessary, expand the values worth living by but also dramatic failures, cries of insecurity, lack of parental guidance(or so I thought), anger that drives to suicide, and most of all, to have dealt with my flaws.

Life went from carefree to a struggle even to have the slightest fun. Or to be more precise, having fun but feeling the guilt inside. Fun wasn't fun anymore, even when I tried to make it happen for my conscience told me that I owe my family somethings. Aunties went from spoiling to lecturing and now, cautious about everything I do. Then I thought... "Well, gotta appreciate everything you have now." I don't want to be judged as an ungrateful child just because I couldn't live by my means at the moment. I have adapted to a certain extend, and I am well proud of myself.

"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your mind off your goals."

How do I get back on my feet? I seem to need someone to take my hand and lead me to show myself, who I was then.

"It takes less time to do a thing right than to explain why you did it wrong." - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

It's time to continue doing the right thing.

Home, not so sweet home

He has done many things and many others to cover up his crimes. He has an eye for pretty things. He has an attitude problem. He is slick but yet childish in his ways of thinking. He has eavesdropped countless times. He is also known as the second mom. He has been caught doing unecessary things. He doesn't admit to his mistakes. He always finds an opening for an empty argument. He always wants to have last say. He is naive. He is mischievious. He is innocent looking, but can be dangerous on the inside. He is not who we think he is. So, what is he? Take a guess.

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"There are hidden dangers in the house. No one hears me. No one believes me. Somehow it will all be forgotten again. Suddenly, home isn't the safest or sweetest place as of now."
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But, this time, it's not going to slip. I will catch you. And when I do, you will be sorry for the things you did. For this is not the first time, and when I catch you, I will make sure it is the last.

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Ohayo gozaimasu minna :)

Good luck once again to all SPM students. Have a nice day and do your best. As long as you isshokenmei ganbarimasu, there is nothing to lose.

Itterashai! *A hug for warmth in the cold air cond room =) - Anata

Latest addiction

Sometimes cousins are so mean. And I mean YOU Vonne! :D

:( The DVD you gave me .. is so addictive that I'm actually excited to see you this week! Hahahhaa =P So, what is it that I'm addicted to actually?

It's kiddish I know but everyone has their own interests and entertainments.

Kyou Kara Maou!, is a bishounen anime show. Bishounen practically means, nicely drawn heart throbbing dreamy guy characters. The storyline is so far alright, as there are fair amounts of humor and also plot.


Why am I addicted to it?

Clearly because it's funny, and it makes me happy. Though not real, it's entertaining and sometimes might just spark up some creativity in me to do... well, stuff. =X

It gets kinda gay-ish sometimes, I'd admit, but it doesn't really freak me out lol. Fruits baskets are another must watch if you like bishounen animes.

So cute... The honey bear I meant :D

Main character: Shibuya Yuuri; (Heika) Your Majesty; Maou (Demon King), a.k.a "wimp" (declared by Wolfram- his "fiance")...Lol :P Yes, I know. He doesn't look like one. But there is another side to his appearance. The real Demon King appears only when neccesary. But I think the demon king should appear more OFTEN! Muahhahaha =P

Demon King delight ;) The other side of Yuuri

Maou desu! Kakui ne?
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His "fiance" : Wolfram von Bielefelt. Blonde and very easily aggravated. Calls Yuuri a "wimp" just coz he likes it :P Tends to follow yuuri everywhere he goes and protects him at all costs. Always wants his way and is very short tempered. Yuri "accidentaly" proposed to him, just by slapping Wolfram's left cheek for insulting his mom- a human. In the Maou world, doing that meant proposing to someone.

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His Majesty's bodyguard and "guardian" : Sir Conrad Weller. Tall, brown and some what handsome; he is very protective of Yuuri. The only person that Yuuri is close to; brotherly bond wise. Spectacular swordsmanship. Middle child of Lady Cecille, elder brother to Wolfram and younger brother to Gwendal. The only child who doesn't have magician's blood. Unable to use magic, since his dad was a human. (Gwendal and Wolfram's dad was born a magician, so they can use magic).

Conrad and mom. Wah.. the relationship, lol ;P The mom is so funny. Look at his stupid face, playing along hahahaha.

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The Grumpy one : Gwendal von Voltaire. He looks fierce, scary and respectful. He stands tall and doeasn't rush into things, unless in a desperate situation. Inside, he is a caring, and protective person. Though sometimes the reluctancy to obey His Majesty, he obliges. The only person he is afraid of is his sister, Anissina. Why so? Well, go watch and find out =) An earth magic user. This may suprise you, but he actually likes cute things. They can make him go soft... hahaha.

Mother and Son relationship. Lolz :P

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The dramatic and gentle one : Gunter von Christ. Has long, flowy purplish hair. Very dramatic when it comes to his Majesty. He loves Yuuri and tends to worship him. Always by Yuuri's side when it comes to persuding the minority to agree to his requests and wishes. Very cautious all the time. He wants His Majesty to study the history of their land and also be around him all day. Don't let his looks deceive you for all you know, he is a powerful magic user and also a great swordsman :P

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The experiment woman : Lady Annisina von Karbelnikoff. Crazy woman. Has an invention for almost anything, such as, a fragant clothes washer, the "spin spin".. and much more nonesence which normally doesn't work. She uses Gwendal as a guinea pig in her experiments. Often bosses him around. Girls look up to her; Guys runs away from her. Lolz =P

Could only find one at the moment. Not many pics of her yet.

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The flirty and "wanna be" young mom: Lady Cecelie von Spitzweg. The ex-Maou. She loves jewelry. I can hardly see her serious, (Since now I just finished watching S1). Always wearin revealing clothings, to attract men. Has an older brother: Stoffel.

All in all, it is very entertaining so far. Nice animes are hard to find nowadays, coz all of their storylines or drawings aren't really good. This one, I will watch till it's over! Wahahha :P

Off topic: -.- I'm sick, again. I was perfectly fine this morning and now there is an annoying flu. I keep sneezing and sneezing! Wahliao. Tomoro, I'll see a pile of used tissues on my table. Hopefully sleep will wash it all away.

Off topic 2: Went and did volunteery service at the zoo on Friday. It was fun, since they didn't seperate all 4 of us. Will update on this, next Friday with pics, I guess :p ... or not? Haha, see lah.

Off topic 3: I feel like eating steak. Who wants to take me out?! Lolz. Kidding.

Off topic 4: SPM is finally here. The much awaited moment to let all the anxiety go and the late night cram studies result's to be shown. Good luck to all SPM students!

Okay.. that's enough off topics. Niters for now :D

*Anata ga aitai desu :) Aishiteiru anata.

Kuso

Fucking pain.

Argh. :(

Symphony

Once it was just between 2 loves.

The combination; spunk, moxy and passion.

Created an orchestra.

The ensemble which compensates for one another.

...

The Symphony.
Our rhapsody.

Is there a sequel? Where has it gone to?

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How long ? How much more ?
Curiosity brings the most toturing conclusions, that evolves into thoughts, that becomes assumptions and uncertainties, which causes confusion.
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It's a vicious cycle-
And, it's painful.

Hallelujah!!!!

Oh.My.God.

Finally :(

2 days of machine-less routine, the inability to connect to the internet and the desperate cries inside grows louder and more persistent.

That was when I called Streamyx, to make sure they filed an ERROR report! And they did. Good. *That was after many days of complaining to customer services and many phone calls made!*

Telekom guy came, fixed the modem and the skies shall be blue again lol!

The Goddesses blessed me so that I didn't have to go to the cc later *muahahahaha* Yes, I know. Don't say it. I know what you wanna say =P Lolz :)

Bittorent and more animes, to be entertained to.

Hallelujah! Amen.

MmMm...

If love made me blind,
I wouldn't mind,
For if you were by my side,
I'll be just alright;
If sacrifices are made for love,
I wouldn't mind,
For if you love me enough,
No matter how tough,
You'd always come back;
If love was hard work,
I wouldn't mind,
For if you were broke,
I wouldn't make a joke;
I'll be the shoulder,
That you can rely on;
And create another special bond;
If distant love meant to be stronger,
I wouldn't mind,
For as long as we both hold our hearts together,
Things would always turn out better;
The distant is no more a matter.
Loving you for better or worse,
A great depth shall be immersed,
For a better future;
That vision we'd conjure.
I'd be willing to be there,
Despite the words we can't share,
For in time to come,
The ocean will calm,
The relief,
The peace,
And all those years that you've been missed,
Will only become.... <3 this.

As I pray for you tonight, in hope that you'll sleep in a peaceful state of mind... Fear not the shadows that influence your judgements. I'll always be here, from now and forever; to do my best to listen, to even the most outrageous things you have to say =) Because, I like that in you. Goodnight, hun. x0x0

Complications

... in the head gets us no where.

We think; we speculate; we assume and finally come up with a hypotethical conclusion but no real explanation. This is what I guess we call, or rather I call, the curious mind. In a way it's good and bad. Good coz we think and evaluate; spark up the creativity of one's imagination. Bad coz prolly it'll just drive us nuts.

We think we know but we'll never be sure. That's when trust comes in. Sometimes decisions lies not in our hands and we can only stand back and watch. Suspicion and uneasiness sometimes occur but never let it bring the whole stage down.

In times of seriousness, I think we shouldn't joke. If things need to be mended, put it as part of the priority list. To be trusted, is not just by the words spoken, but actions taken.

People do many things out of the blue and sometimes aren't proud about it. Sometimes people do something and expect some what of a expectation but it never comes. Then we'd feel disappointed and crushed. At some point I'm sure we all get over it. But that's probably denial. Sooner or later, it'll come back to haunt us and the pain will be more unbearable than before.

The mind; is so complex that I'm struggling to put my thoughts into words. It's like everything I wanna say is in the mind but my vocabulary is not enough to describe them accurately- definite.
To care is to firstly know the characteristics and personalities of a person. Know how to rub them the right way. To care, is a gift. Not everyone can care for someone sincerely. If the person you care about feels comfortable knowing the truth, so be it. Tell them, though you think it will hurt, but to them, it is some what a relief. If a person you care about likes 'Chocolate Indulgence' to know that you care, go get them some! *It's really good btw* :)

Sometimes there is this urge to blog about somethin in my head. But once I sit down here, it disappears. Getting a hang of it is the key to the mind game I guess. Control, and express. So many things to say, but all with 'buts...' Mind's are so ineteresting but yet so deadly; destructive.

Quote of the day:
"If life is a game, then these are the rules." - babychocolattes, 06

*Untitled* .. or so you think?

Lol, drama flama. All that just makes me wanna laugh. It's so funny, I can't stand it lol.

God, there are so many haters in this world :( Let alone right here in Sel. Too bad I guess. It's the ying and yang haha (somehow I feel I sound like a monk...or nun.. or wadevs -.-"). Balanced between the good and evilness... Hahaha. Comment-less :X

It's so tempting to post somethin back, somethin that will probably shut the dramatizers up. But I guess, I don't stoop that low =P

It's not worth my untitled post so I should just move on to another topic..

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7km marathons aren't easy! I joined one yesterday; it was my first time after so long that I've participated in one :) I stepped into the stadium around 6.30am and whoa! I felt so outta place man =.= SO many pro(s) wearin all that short running pants and sleeveless shirts. Then there's me and muh bro wearin the sponsored T's and comfy shorts. It was a line between the PROs and AMATEURS Lol!!

Shorts like these? You will never see me in THAT!

So, starting was a bit tricky coz there were so many ppl; all wanting to be at the front line -.-"

..OHOH! and there were ppl wearin roller blades! I should do that in the next marathon! Muahahahhaha :P But of course, they weren't counted as runners la !

HAHAHA!! Speedoz LOL! ROFL!! Nice skinny toned legs dude :P Somehow I find their smiles very sohai-ish. Mebbe just posin for the cam man! Still.....funny larh >"<

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Anyyyway~~

My brother desserted me all of sudden, I couldn't find him and that was the beginning to meeting him at the finish line >"< I ran for about 5km, and the car fumes were gettin to me. Eventually I slowed down to a slow jog... *I felt damn pressured everytime someone passes me T_T* At one point, I was about to faint.. Only then, I decided that I needed to walk and take a breather. Haha, weakling me =( *"If only..." thoughts came in... (If only.. I trained harder or longer before the marathon...)*

Ahhh... so thirsty! Need a pipe to quench the thirst :(

Reached the finish line, after 45 mins. The first thing that came to mind was..."Where is the blardy Milo stand!!??" Pissed off, tired and sweaty... I saw the heavenly truck and miraculously, I sprinted there! *See what Milo can do to you !*

*Heaven*

In the end, I went home, feeling satisfied for accomplishing muh first marathon without stopping! KO-ed totally for 3 hours after that and woke up only to find...
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Sleepin...
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zZZzzZ.....ZzZZz....
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Dreamin.... *Hugs*
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that I had to attend an exhibition -.-" AND I was already late. *Bugger*

P.S: Why didn't I post any of my pics up? Coz! My mummie too lazie to take... =3 She didn't wanna follow me around while I was sweatin if off ! Grrr... Ish! Nvm, there will be another marathon; this time I will take my cam along :D!

Yeah!! :D

Oh! One thing I have learnt is to always bring a bottle of liquid while running a marathon. Dehydration, slows you down TERRIBLY!

*Semangat-ness! Pumped up!* Feel damn motivated to go for a 2nd one!! [Let's just hope ya'll can catch up with me eh?] :P!

Laugh out loud!

What does Chocolattes do when she's hyper?

~ Dance like a diva
~ Strip dancin!
~ Experiment different hairstyles
~ Do sit ups at 5am!
~ Write this
~ Consume more sugar
~ Watch "honey" (A movie)
~ Download hip hop dances
~ Drink milo
~ Play dress up
~ Cam-whore kao kao
~ Draw stuff on bro's books
~ Watch Peter pan
~ Miss calls ppl
~ Laugh at everythin
~ Open the fridge
~ Act pouty
~ Dance with the teddies
~ Spam IMs
~ Smile until I finally fall asleep
~ Act kiut
~ Talk to self
~ Arrange books/magazines
~ etc, etc, etc

Hahahahaha.... I think this is the 3rd persona post! It's not the craziest of things but it's still weird and stupid lol. I think there's more but I guess the creative-ness will only come out once I'm tipsy *ROFL

I'm like so high right now I think I can't walk up the stairs. I'd fall ... *boom boom boom*!! Bangs head and ends up in the hospital +_+ LOL!!

Alright man :D:D:D Imma gonna do some dance and sit ups ?
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If I ever make it to the living room -.-"!!

Muah muah muahhhhsS! Kisses to protect my hun tonite =x

xoxo I heart you... You... you... naughty naughty *beep*

<3<3<3

When you have nothing nice to write...

... Don't write it. Don't speak of it. Don't have anythin to do with it.

Shruging it off is the key to keeping a brain sane. In my case, MY brain.

Muaahahhahaha ;P Nola, I'm not emo-ed. Read my magnificent thoughts (though, it's not everything) and comment! It's worth it! Will lurve ya'll loads :) *wink wink*

*current resolution: Pumpin up da confidence yo!

"Don't judge me as a character, but as a person."

You can't always get what you want. You've done your part and now it's time to let the fortune wheel come your way. But in knowing that... it's always difficult when it comes to letting it be; especially when it's somethin close to heart.

Sometimes it's appealing/relieving to get a reason, comments and feelings directly. I have always been a person that needs 'words of affirmations'. Not for a black and white statement sake; it's just me. It's something that I need. Be it for decision makin, or opinions seeking. Beating around the bush doesn't work for me. Might as well, tell it to my face. Truth is not really escapable- inevitable. For the times I refrained myself from askin more, is probably to respect someone else's privacy; but curiosity always, and I mean, always kills the cat. When somethings are involving you as a person; as a pawn with emotions, there will always be the need to secure the way you're speculating things. Thinking things in ur head, makin assumptions, jumpin to conclusions; utterly a paranoia- a migrain inflicted, emotions will go haywire, and judgements will become too vague. And there you have it- a vulnerable humanoid.

The mind leads us to believe, sometimes even when we don't see the logic.

In more xtreme cases, u might even lose sanity. The mind is a powerful thing, but yet an easy influencial (is there such word? Ugh, who cares..) target. A weak mind could easily be exposed to manipulation. A mind might just be a brain thinkin, but it involves a human's life. Destroy a person's mind and you could probably destroy their lives.

As for me, I'm a sentimental person. I take everything that is valuable, precious, important, close to heart, and irreplacecable, seriously. I always mean what I say- emotions wise. If I say "I love you" I mean it. If I say "I hate you" I also mean it. There are no criterias' to one's way of showing a certain emotion. We cannot always expect the expected or want the expected. Indifferent, yes. But wonderful, depending on how you look at it.

"Sometimes, the situation does not allow a particular bond to form. But it's giving a chance to it, that makes a difference." - Babychocolattes, 06

But there's one thing that I've learnt in my life of 17 years: Always be the happier side of you. Do not show a frown to your loved ones, even when you're in an excruciating pain: heartaches, headaches, stomach ache, lost, etc. Always tell yourself to smile even at the worst of times.

Saying it's easy huh? But I have learnt that that's the only way to show your efforts. To allow someone happy, excited, carefree and hyper to have fun with you. And slowly they will understand your pain. Describing is futile. Feeling it is insightful and sensitive. Judging will be unecessary.

Though, I'd also like to point out that, although patience is virtue, stupidity is vice.

Everyone has a limit to something. Note that the one person that tries hard to make another happy, shouldn't be neglected of emotions. Acknowledge them to show that you care. If not, they'll probably feel unwanted and shitty for trying so hard. If the quote "Presistence pays off" exists, then I'm sure efforts are bound to as well. We all wish for the best anyway, but not everything we want to happen, will happen in our favor. That's just a part of life, I guess.

Humans will always be humans. We all commit all 7 deadly sins but also embrace the "infinite" kindness and humanity. That I think, is what we call, equalization? or is it correspondence?

People will always have comments about how you look, whether you're fat or skinny, intellectual or just plain dumb, strong or weak, bitchy or a saint, etc. Accept them though they may not be positive critisisms. There is always someone else better than you. Don't let comparisons make you stray away from who you are. You can change for the better, but you cannot change who you are. Who you are is like your DNA. You can't change ur DNA can u? -.-"

Loving myself is still hard for me to do. There is a certain inferiority involved and I can't seem to let it go. Competition is good, but what's the point if the grand prize is uncertain?

Therefore, it's not wrong to be just- who you are.

P.S: Ya'll know that there is a place in my heart that is currently irreplacable but crushed. Some of you might think "why did Sarah write this all of a sudden?". Well, if you think there is a message up there somewhere, then read the hidden codes a.k.a between the lines :)

"I don't know how far I'm willing to go, but as of now, I won't stop half way." - Babychocolattes, 06

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Remorse happens everyday for me. Moments of weaknesses abolishes; but I always put it up with a smile. I'm not an angel sent by God to please everyone. I don't even have the strength to please myself. Disappointments are inevitable in life. But they are mandatory essence that we live through to get to the top. Being at the top; you'd probably have the liberty to make more people happy. So work it!

Being in the same zone with me, is probably the best anyone could do atm. But no matter what, I will not stop trying. If you don't see results now, just wait and let the future unfold infront of your eyes :)

Love you loads *~*

How to keep an idiot...

...a hawt one at that!- busy for approximately 20 mins?

I'll gladly show you =)

It's like this...

You answer random questions.

1. My friends...
are one of the kinds ;p
2. I am listening to..
my heartbeat.
3. Maybe I should...
inherit superpowers, like mind-reading maybe?
4. I love...
*you*, my teddies, muh babes, muh fam [when they're spontaneous!], the happy me :)
5. My plan...
is to secure my future before I turn 18!
6. I don't understand...
why must we learn add maths?
7. I lost...
my thoughts when my brother asked me what a pad was.
8. People say...
'dayeum' for a reason.
9. I'm missing...
muh darl, sleep, a pants (hahas, what do u think im wearin?), let ur mind have an imagination boost!
10. Love means...
what's in the heart.
11. Somewhere, someone is...
Farting.
12.I'm always searching for...
tranquility.
13.Forever seems....
easy to spell.
14. I never want to....
be near a flying cockroach.
15. My mobile phone...
is in love with me ;p
16. When I wake up in the morning...
i say "5 mins more" and doze off again.
17. I get annoyed when...
people are annoying me.
18. Parties are...
fun.
19. My cat is ...
don't have a cat.
20. Hug and kisses..
...cookies and creme.
21. Today I...
breathed.
22. Tomorrow I will...
be one step closer to being a goddess (:
23. I really want...
to ask the man I love to marry me, instead of him askin me! Lolz.
24. I...
am me.

See. It works.... Right?

Did it?

Did it work?!

... *phew*

Alright, alright. I know it worked. Don't have to thank me. =P You're welcome btw. Hahahaha!!

Being the "perfect" daughter

I got fucked up today.

Not literally.

Reason?

I didn't lift a "finger" to help my mom.

Okay, I'll admit; She looked bloody pms-ing today and I was too afraid to even speak to her, because I know that when she's in a foul mood, convos with her never goes right. * I speak from experience * She said that I left things for her to do. Like what?! Leaving my cup on the table? I barely used anything today expect for my music and the room upstairs. So how can I leave something for you to clean up after? Furthermore, it's your choice for wanting to do it? Or is it coz you feel an obligation to do so? Great, even your own choices gets tracked back down to blaming it all on me. Well, newsflash, I can take whatever it is because you've always been like that.

And knowing my conscience and heart is weak, I normally obey, not wanting to disappoint you. But then you go like, "are you doin this coz we asked you to or do you want to do it?" Hah. Go figure it out. I'm pretty sure you're not that thick.

So yeah, she worked her "ass" off today and blamed me for the leftovers. For example- food? I had dinner around 9 ish and I don't know who ate after me but the bottom line is, I did not clean up after I ate. And I also didn't eat with my parents coz I was busy dancing and I wasn't hungry at all. So yeah, I got scolded for wanting to do my own thang.

Nvm. I still can take it. And frankly, I seriously thought it was my fault. How stupid of me.

Then, my mom claims that she has to "beg" me to do things such as, chores. Folding the clothes, hanging the clothes, washing the dishes, etc. She SO did not beg and normally I'll do it. It is the minor times where I didn't and she picked that moment to spill all the blame on me. Saying I'm not helpful to the family and I'm a very inconsiderate person, etc.

Moving on...

My dad "needed" to speak to me, on behalf on my mom. So he "stressed" a point when he said "I'm supposed to go to sleep right now, coz I've been working the whole day and I'm dead tired." So I go like, "Okay, why don't you go to sleep then?" ... He said "No, coz I need to talk to you". And I went, "Uh..okay."

Then we talked and talked. To be honest, he picked the wrong time (Not like there's a perfect time anyway, being a teen which has her own beliefs and all)... I was frustrated that my mom was being childish. Reason is because, she got pissed at me not helping her and all, that when I'm around, she makes sure that I can hear she's pissed off. Putting things down, with brute force, walking like a gorilla, etc. She asked us not to do it and here she is, being childish. What an example? And the thing is, I didn't even talk back at her. See? As I was saying, this was one of the days where she was in a foul mood.

So, my dad had to ruin my moment of peace- when he started to talk to me. Finally, I said, "You know what, since you think that I'm not doin any good with my life, why not you take control? Why not you chuck me somewhere where they'll teach you how to "not have fun" and get all geared up for your damn future?"

He kept quiet.

Then I continued...

"Okay, why not we do it this way. You know I love to dance, I like languages, and I like music. If I go all out and search out every damn information you need to sign me up, would you do it? I get all the juice bout what I love to do, and what I have in mind to pursue, and all you have to do is SIGN ME UP. Can you do that, without probing into the "purpose-sy speech"? Can you not ask me what good it'll do for me in the future? Not now when I"m just starting to get into it. Let me enjoy what I like to do with my terms since you're not happy with the person I am now. If you can do that, it's all good with me."

He said "Okay, we'll see how it goes." But being my dad, I knew that wasn't an agreement. But I was too tired and I was too worked up to have a civilized convo with him and I decided to leave it at that.

But on the contrary, I want to state down some things.

1) Here are the list of things that I'll "sacrifice" so that my parents could have a better picture perfect daughter.
- 8.30-9.30pm; No watching my show.
- Wake up to hang clothes.
- Cook lunch, abandon my music hour to help cook.
- My dance sessions cut short by an hour, coz obviously I'll be dead tired and I have to savor my energy to "help".
- I'll just sit around and read a book, and wait for some "command" to do chores.
- I will sit on the dinner table even when I don't like it and when I'm not hungry at all.
- Make sure, work is done by 6pm.
- 7-8pm work my "ass" off helping to cook dinner. OR probably just cook the damn dinner and get on with it.

2) Just put on a smile all day, just so you know that I'm still alive and existent in the family.

3) Go to the library and get a whole set of refrence books, to read and digest it's "great" knowledge. Math, Lit, Science or watever, just so you know that I'm not stupid.

... There?

Hope that your "perfect" daughter will evolve soon. If not, I guess you probably didn't see the effort I put in anyway. If perfect meant doing the things I love and being a happy person, then I don't see you percepting it that way. It's more like, getting "A's" and getting scholarships. Or probably letters of recomendations.

I bet you are wondering why I'm so foul towards my own family. Truth is, I was never foul with them until the day they made choices for me that I never wanted. Until the day where they gave me the full liberty to school on my own. I told them I couldn't but they didn't take any serious measures at all. Guess it wasn't so important huh? If you think it's important, do me well and take in consideration what I've said to you, dad. Agree with my for once and I gurantee you things will be better and you would see a happier side of me. As of now, I'm beginning to feel like a burden in the family. I'm a lost kid. Help me find my identity before I can no longer contain my anger and my despair of my life, knowing that I cannot pursue what I love, with your support.

It's time that I've become selfish. It's the only way to wake you up. Not only I want to pursue my loves, but also I need that sense of security. And, to know that for 3 years, you have not notice that security that I need. I'm actually feeling quite invisible. Not only have I voiced it out, but I've also shown that I needed that one thing. I have not asked for anything material. Maybe it's time that I do since things I do don't get noticed anyway. I worked for my own fun. And even that I cannot do without a certain consent. I know when you were young, at 12, you've probably started working. But do you want me to learn the values or go through what you did? Don't send me wrong signals because I may just confused myself literally and go nuts. Being a parent, isn't what you want for your children, the best of things? Well, wake up. I'm not having the best of support. If only you could heed my suggestions and not ask questions, maybe you'll see a new me.

And after all this, you'd probably ask why I can't do it on my own. The main reason is financial. I have the passion and I can get all the info. But I cannot pay my dues. So how? Don't pursue? You must be kidding. So, sign me up for the things I need. I'm already begging. Isn't that enough to show you how much I want it. Please, for God's sake. Wake the blardy hell up!

One head less to support. Maybe I should just "grow-up" to be a grown up just like you want me to be. I will never be able to enjoy what I love to do because when I asked it to be on my terms, you make it a big deal. So where are going again?
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Nowhere.

Is it wrong?

Crap. I barely lasted a month.

This is one of the "occasionally" emo post. Wait.

Would you even call this emo? =
Is it wrong, to want your own happiness?

Is it wrong to want to make things right?
Is it wrong to become persistent?
Is it wrong to prove yourself?
Is it wrong to take all the pain, and not show it?
Is it wrong to have strong feelings and know that somehow, your gut feelings are right?
Is it wrong to confide in someone?
Is it wrong to give opinions that might be the truth?
Is it wrong to miss someone that isn't in your arms?
Is it wrong to be yourself?
Is it wrong for one to try to have fun?

Then why do I blame myself, when things go wrong?
Why do I blame myself, when I did nothing wrong?...

Is it some kind of teraphy? No, I definitely think not!
Or maybe it's just the empty soul talking?

Maybe this is not me.
Maybe this is part of the me that I'm not, talking?

Damn it. Does it even makes sense?!

I was just wondering to myself; If one day, I called "you" (You-being whoever that I call on that day), when I am in distress; gangster fight, police, street bullies, random people, or even a car accident, and "you" didn't pick up your phone. Let's say after an hour, "you" see that missed call and try to call back but no one picks up. Would "you" feel bad, or guilty if something happened to me?

If it happened to you, I definitely would.
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Why am I writting this? I honestly don't know.

I just felt the emptiness today. It suddenly struck me when I wasn't ready.

These are probably side effects?

I went to KAOS coz I felt really bored at home. Unfortunately, it didn't have BS as well. I was a lil disappointed but what could I do? I just stayed and played some games for a bit. Bought a movie, and bought chicken wings and brought it back home.

This sudden miserable depression is killing me. I hope that tomoro would be a better day. I really, really do.

So empty, so cold, but still able to love...

Honey, I missed you so;
All I could do,
Was watch myself let go;
It is but, a reflection,
None so real before...
It is a pain I bear,
With a choice,
I choose not,
Treasuring every moment,
Owning up to mistakes,
It is, but my own demise.
To be able to taste,
But not have you in my arms.

It is tiring work and tiring for the mind and soul,

As I do, feel it draining out... cold.

... Just like blood.

My only wish is to be sane tomorrow. The word blood has just triggerred somethin from the past.

You would like em, or you might hate em?

You're supposed to laugh okayz?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Okay. Good. :P

Blood Tests.
Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly.
2nd Child: Why are you crying?
1st Child: I came here for a blood test.
2nd Child: So? Are you afraid?
1st Child: No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.
At this, the second one started crying profusely.
The first one was astonished.
1st Child: Why are you crying now?
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2nd Child: I came for a urine test!

-----------------------------------

Group picture
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Emily; she's a lawyer,' or That's David, he's a doctor.'"

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher.....she's dead."

-----------------------------------

Never hire a man to do a woman's job
A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position.

After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.

The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."

The man got a shocked look on his face and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my own wife!" Well," said the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."

So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."

The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about five minutes, then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her. I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job."

"No," the CIA man replied. "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go the hell home."

Now they're down to the woman left to test. Again they lead her to the same door and hand her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances. This is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him."

The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA heard the gun start firing, one shot after another, for 13 shots. Then they heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet. The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman....... She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat the son of a bitch to death with the chair!"

Stupid. Lol! Beh tahan man. This woman damn ganas.

Makes me think; I would never want to work with the CIA. I thought they were risk takers. But I never knew they were ruthless! Kill my husband? *Don't think I would. Could.*

Ahh...bless this pure heart that I have! Whoever marries me, shan't die...so ruthlessly ;)

Lights, cam, action?! Part 3 of trip

The last part... of cam-whoring -.-"... or so you'd think?

Took a pic to make sure cam got battery *cough-konon-cough-nya*

One more first =)

Hahahahha. Blueks? To you!

Okie okie... enough edi. Let's continue shall we?
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Princess Me, had her own carriage. *Actually I just saw it there and decided to climb on it, hoping that it doesn't collapse, and took a quick shot!* Luckily it didn't..er...break?
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Then, they went to the arcade for a bit. So I tagged along, though I wasn't really interested. But I played Daytona.. and I only have ONE blardy thing to say:
It sucks big time. Even my grandma's rocking chair is better than the chair i was sittin on, and even a toy car's steering wheel was in better condition than the one I held. TOTALLY not worth riding at all =3 *fumes*
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*Okay.. chill adi...*
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Next?
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The next thing I knew, I was poiting cheekily at a plant which I tot looked funny. But clearly, the blardy plant proved me wrong. As you can see, I look weirder than the plant =( Stupid cammiera =P

Then, I walked outside...just for a stroll. Found this well thingy. Er...? I didn't know it was a wishing well...until I read that "small"..."tiny" sign that says.. well..."Wishing Well" =.= *What did I wish for?... (Not telling :D)*

After strolling... I went back to the arcade. Mana tau, these monkies playing foosie. And I tell you rite, the table was not stable at all! *Argh! What kind of quality is this man. :P In the end, they all had sore hands, twisting and turning the blardy tiny men -.-"
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I don't know what made me sit down here and take a shot. But it worked. I like it. These are the "suites" in Colmar Tropical. Didn't know I was that artistic! AHahahhaha *feels proud*

And it was 'Heads back to the sack' pplz. Tired, of walking. Or more likely- boredom. Went to bed after that...
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I was sleepy... :( Don't laugh at the sleepy face!

And there you go.. end of trip.

xoxoxoxoxoxox

Finally, the internet is back.

But I don't know what's wrong with bs... or rather..MY bs :( It doesn't connect and I think it's under maintenance? But, wtf? Maintainence so long meh?! Sob, the past is catching up with me, slowly. I need to sprint further... to avoid anymore stabs thru the vital organ in our body, which we call the <3

Like I always say in the mornin:

"Stay strong gal, it's just a lil pain. Don't think about it. Go do something nice today aight?... No tears and breakdowns okie?.. "

... And right there and then, I trot of... just doin my own things, smiling like nothing is wrong =)

*Pats self on the back. Keep up the beat babes* for succeeding so far...


Isshokenmei ganbarimasu yo!!

Part Two

Chapter 2
The Journey...perhaps?

We all find ourselves in circumstances which bring much dissatisfaction and great discontentment to our lives at one point or another. If you are in such a situation, you may feel that you're living a life over which you have no control. You're probably almost right. During such times, you have actually surrendered control of your life to someone or something else,- family, friends, society's expectations/standards, an image, etc. Anyone or anything, except the rightful person who should be in charge of his/her life...you =)

The road ahead may be long and arduous to manoeuvre, and it may get tedious and tiresome at times, but we'll all make it. As the great philosopher Lao-Tse once said, "... a thousand-miles journey begins with the first step." And that's how exactly it should be. Step by step.

"Waste not fresh tears over old griefs." - Euripides.

It is easy to recognize someone who lives in the past. They go on and on about an event that has already occured days, weeks or even years ago.

Most of us, including me, are guilty of this historical crime at some time or another. We do it for different reasons: to justify something that is not perfect in our lives, as an excuse for not doing something that we should; regret, anger, fear, blame, bitterness, pride, guilt and sorrow.

Each new day, is far too precious to simply squander away by living in your own world. If we continue to do that over a period of time, we will only be creating a present which will ultimately become another past we would regret all over again in the future.

Step up to own up whatever you did. Take action. Let life be wonderful again.

...And I'm just doing that; plus a little touch of the past =)

It's hard. But like I saw "it" somewhere... it went something like this:

Smile like nothing is wrong. Talk like everything is perfect. Act as if its a bad dream and pretend that it is not really hurting me.

That, ladies and gents is the "denial" cure that "might" just... work :)
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Next chap comin up soon :)

Say I look sexy okie? Part Two

Voila!!

Another picture frenzy?!

Well, first of all, I would like to Welcome you to my "spectacular" humungous, french-like castle. *Argh* Should have worn some french maid outfit or somethin =( But nvm la. This is as good as you will get it! :P

Presenting... Your loveliness, sexy and alluring highness, Princess er... S!

Welcome, welcome! *Strikes up a pose* .... (Everyone applauses) :P Lol!

Omigosh! "I'm late!" Look at the time fellow citizens. It's time to visit the geeses!

Ta-daa! "This, my fellow friends, is our royal blood goose." Ain't she a pretty sight?!

I was supposed to take a pic with the fountain which was on my right! But some dungu photographer tak faham English! HAahahhahaha :P The stage at the back is where all the "special" performances around the world, occurs.

"Someone" insisted that I sit on this chair and take a photo. HAhahah. I was forced! Look so funny =P But its okie rite? Coz I'm smilish cutish!

*Trumpet plays* Presenting Sir Knight In Armor! He is valiant, and he doesn't move much. Do NOT go too close or he'll BITE! grRRRr...

But knowing Her Highness Princess S, She was stubborn. And she proves ya'll wrong! "You dare bite the royalness out of me, I'll punch you right outta your glass cage!" *Grins*

Da Vincci's apprentices @ work! Look so hardworking rite? :P

My work- before.

And after. But before the gloss paint spray thing. To make it shinnniiieeeee~~

And ironically, there were these birds outside, pickin on food. While I was finish my owl masterpiece!

We look so cute together-rether ;)

Lemme give you a kissie *Muacks* Love ya Owliez =)
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Eh! Post end already?! HAhahahahaha :P Part 3 will come up soon...I think? =P