Monday, November 27, 2006

Writtings of the heart

Are they merely words?

Are they merely ink on paper?

Do they in any way hold a significance in our lives?

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"The heart of a fool is in his mouth, but the mouth of the wise man is in his heart." - Benjamin Franklin

"They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel." - Carl W. Buechner

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." - Eleanor Roosevelt

"Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart." - Khalil Gibran

" The truth isn't always beauty, but the hunger for it is." - Nadine Gordimer

"The young do not know enough to be prudent, and therefore they attempt the impossible, and achieve it, generation after generation." - Pearl S. Buck

"Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality. " - Nikos Kazantzakis

"Words are just words and without heart they have no meaning." - Chinese proverb

"English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say." - Garrison Keillor

"I have learnt silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers." - Kahlil Gibran

"I endeavor to be wise when I cannot be merry, easy when I cannot be glad, content with what cannot be mended and patient when there is no redress." - Elizabeth Montagu

"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." - Helen Keller

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I have often pressured myself to the extend of losing my vision in life, to an emotional breakdown, to being a perfectionist and finally when it all comes down to the real deal and doesn't happen the way I planned it to be, I blame myself.

People have always saw that potential in me. But am I the only one who cannot see it because I have not gotten up from past failures? I've degraded myself from being an intellectual person to a person who only knows how to complain about hardships.

Though I may not suffer the poverty of the poor, lonliness of the orphans, and difficulties of the disable, I have my share of pain. Through the last 4 years of my life, I have experienced the greater love that could be even greater, achievements that I never thought I'd have, the perseverance to do things which are neccessary, expand the values worth living by but also dramatic failures, cries of insecurity, lack of parental guidance(or so I thought), anger that drives to suicide, and most of all, to have dealt with my flaws.

Life went from carefree to a struggle even to have the slightest fun. Or to be more precise, having fun but feeling the guilt inside. Fun wasn't fun anymore, even when I tried to make it happen for my conscience told me that I owe my family somethings. Aunties went from spoiling to lecturing and now, cautious about everything I do. Then I thought... "Well, gotta appreciate everything you have now." I don't want to be judged as an ungrateful child just because I couldn't live by my means at the moment. I have adapted to a certain extend, and I am well proud of myself.

"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your mind off your goals."

How do I get back on my feet? I seem to need someone to take my hand and lead me to show myself, who I was then.

"It takes less time to do a thing right than to explain why you did it wrong." - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

It's time to continue doing the right thing.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Home, not so sweet home

He has done many things and many others to cover up his crimes. He has an eye for pretty things. He has an attitude problem. He is slick but yet childish in his ways of thinking. He has eavesdropped countless times. He is also known as the second mom. He has been caught doing unecessary things. He doesn't admit to his mistakes. He always finds an opening for an empty argument. He always wants to have last say. He is naive. He is mischievious. He is innocent looking, but can be dangerous on the inside. He is not who we think he is. So, what is he? Take a guess.

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"There are hidden dangers in the house. No one hears me. No one believes me. Somehow it will all be forgotten again. Suddenly, home isn't the safest or sweetest place as of now."
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But, this time, it's not going to slip. I will catch you. And when I do, you will be sorry for the things you did. For this is not the first time, and when I catch you, I will make sure it is the last.

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Ohayo gozaimasu minna :)

Good luck once again to all SPM students. Have a nice day and do your best. As long as you isshokenmei ganbarimasu, there is nothing to lose.

Itterashai! *A hug for warmth in the cold air cond room =) - Anata

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Latest addiction

Sometimes cousins are so mean. And I mean YOU Vonne! :D

:( The DVD you gave me .. is so addictive that I'm actually excited to see you this week! Hahahhaa =P So, what is it that I'm addicted to actually?

It's kiddish I know but everyone has their own interests and entertainments.

Kyou Kara Maou!, is a bishounen anime show. Bishounen practically means, nicely drawn heart throbbing dreamy guy characters. The storyline is so far alright, as there are fair amounts of humor and also plot.


Why am I addicted to it?

Clearly because it's funny, and it makes me happy. Though not real, it's entertaining and sometimes might just spark up some creativity in me to do... well, stuff. =X

It gets kinda gay-ish sometimes, I'd admit, but it doesn't really freak me out lol. Fruits baskets are another must watch if you like bishounen animes.

So cute... The honey bear I meant :D

Main character: Shibuya Yuuri; (Heika) Your Majesty; Maou (Demon King), a.k.a "wimp" (declared by Wolfram- his "fiance")...Lol :P Yes, I know. He doesn't look like one. But there is another side to his appearance. The real Demon King appears only when neccesary. But I think the demon king should appear more OFTEN! Muahhahaha =P

Demon King delight ;) The other side of Yuuri

Maou desu! Kakui ne?
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His "fiance" : Wolfram von Bielefelt. Blonde and very easily aggravated. Calls Yuuri a "wimp" just coz he likes it :P Tends to follow yuuri everywhere he goes and protects him at all costs. Always wants his way and is very short tempered. Yuri "accidentaly" proposed to him, just by slapping Wolfram's left cheek for insulting his mom- a human. In the Maou world, doing that meant proposing to someone.

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His Majesty's bodyguard and "guardian" : Sir Conrad Weller. Tall, brown and some what handsome; he is very protective of Yuuri. The only person that Yuuri is close to; brotherly bond wise. Spectacular swordsmanship. Middle child of Lady Cecille, elder brother to Wolfram and younger brother to Gwendal. The only child who doesn't have magician's blood. Unable to use magic, since his dad was a human. (Gwendal and Wolfram's dad was born a magician, so they can use magic).

Conrad and mom. Wah.. the relationship, lol ;P The mom is so funny. Look at his stupid face, playing along hahahaha.
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The Grumpy one : Gwendal von Voltaire. He looks fierce, scary and respectful. He stands tall and doeasn't rush into things, unless in a desperate situation. Inside, he is a caring, and protective person. Though sometimes the reluctancy to obey His Majesty, he obliges. The only person he is afraid of is his sister, Anissina. Why so? Well, go watch and find out =) An earth magic user. This may suprise you, but he actually likes cute things. They can make him go soft... hahaha.

Mother and Son relationship. Lolz :P
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The dramatic and gentle one : Gunter von Christ. Has long, flowy purplish hair. Very dramatic when it comes to his Majesty. He loves Yuuri and tends to worship him. Always by Yuuri's side when it comes to persuding the minority to agree to his requests and wishes. Very cautious all the time. He wants His Majesty to study the history of their land and also be around him all day. Don't let his looks deceive you for all you know, he is a powerful magic user and also a great swordsman :P
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The experiment woman : Lady Annisina von Karbelnikoff. Crazy woman. Has an invention for almost anything, such as, a fragant clothes washer, the "spin spin".. and much more nonesence which normally doesn't work. She uses Gwendal as a guinea pig in her experiments. Often bosses him around. Girls look up to her; Guys runs away from her. Lolz =P

Could only find one at the moment. Not many pics of her yet.

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The flirty and "wanna be" young mom: Lady Cecelie von Spitzweg. The ex-Maou. She loves jewelry. I can hardly see her serious, (Since now I just finished watching S1). Always wearin revealing clothings, to attract men. Has an older brother: Stoffel.


All in all, it is very entertaining so far. Nice animes are hard to find nowadays, coz all of their storylines or drawings aren't really good. This one, I will watch till it's over! Wahahha :P

Off topic: -.- I'm sick, again. I was perfectly fine this morning and now there is an annoying flu. I keep sneezing and sneezing! Wahliao. Tomoro, I'll see a pile of used tissues on my table. Hopefully sleep will wash it all away.

Off topic 2: Went and did volunteery service at the zoo on Friday. It was fun, since they didn't seperate all 4 of us. Will update on this, next Friday with pics, I guess :p ... or not? Haha, see lah.

Off topic 3: I feel like eating steak. Who wants to take me out?! Lolz. Kidding.

Off topic 4: SPM is finally here. The much awaited moment to let all the anxiety go and the late night cram studies result's to be shown. Good luck to all SPM students!

Okay.. that's enough off topics. Niters for now :D

*Anata ga aitai desu :) Aishiteiru anata.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Kuso

Fucking pain.

Argh. :(

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Symphony

Once it was just between 2 loves.

The combination; spunk, moxy and passion.

Created an orchestra.

The ensemble which compensates for one another.

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The Symphony.
Our rhapsody.

Is there a sequel? Where has it gone to?

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How long ? How much more ?
Curiosity brings the most toturing conclusions, that evolves into thoughts, that becomes assumptions and uncertainties, which causes confusion.
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It's a vicious cycle-
And, it's painful.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Hallelujah!!!!

Oh.My.God.

Finally :(

2 days of machine-less routine, the inability to connect to the internet and the desperate cries inside grows louder and more persistent.

That was when I called Streamyx, to make sure they filed an ERROR report! And they did. Good. *That was after many days of complaining to customer services and many phone calls made!*

Telekom guy came, fixed the modem and the skies shall be blue again lol!

The Goddesses blessed me so that I didn't have to go to the cc later *muahahahaha* Yes, I know. Don't say it. I know what you wanna say =P Lolz :)

Bittorent and more animes, to be entertained to.

Hallelujah! Amen.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

MmMm...

If love made me blind,
I wouldn't mind,
For if you were by my side,
I'll be just alright;
If sacrifices are made for love,
I wouldn't mind,
For if you love me enough,
No matter how tough,
You'd always come back;
If love was hard work,
I wouldn't mind,
For if you were broke,
I wouldn't make a joke;
I'll be the shoulder,
That you can rely on;
And create another special bond;
If distant love meant to be stronger,
I wouldn't mind,
For as long as we both hold our hearts together,
Things would always turn out better;
The distant is no more a matter.
Loving you for better or worse,
A great depth shall be immersed,
For a better future;
That vision we'd conjure.
I'd be willing to be there,
Despite the words we can't share,
For in time to come,
The ocean will calm,
The relief,
The peace,
And all those years that you've been missed,
Will only become.... <3 this.

As I pray for you tonight, in hope that you'll sleep in a peaceful state of mind... Fear not the shadows that influence your judgements. I'll always be here, from now and forever; to do my best to listen, to even the most outrageous things you have to say =) Because, I like that in you. Goodnight, hun. x0x0

Monday, November 06, 2006

Complications

... in the head gets us no where.

We think; we speculate; we assume and finally come up with a hypotethical conclusion but no real explanation. This is what I guess we call, or rather I call, the curious mind. In a way it's good and bad. Good coz we think and evaluate; spark up the creativity of one's imagination. Bad coz prolly it'll just drive us nuts.

We think we know but we'll never be sure. That's when trust comes in. Sometimes decisions lies not in our hands and we can only stand back and watch. Suspicion and uneasiness sometimes occur but never let it bring the whole stage down.

In times of seriousness, I think we shouldn't joke. If things need to be mended, put it as part of the priority list. To be trusted, is not just by the words spoken, but actions taken.

People do many things out of the blue and sometimes aren't proud about it. Sometimes people do something and expect some what of a expectation but it never comes. Then we'd feel disappointed and crushed. At some point I'm sure we all get over it. But that's probably denial. Sooner or later, it'll come back to haunt us and the pain will be more unbearable than before.

The mind; is so complex that I'm struggling to put my thoughts into words. It's like everything I wanna say is in the mind but my vocabulary is not enough to describe them accurately- definite.
To care is to firstly know the characteristics and personalities of a person. Know how to rub them the right way. To care, is a gift. Not everyone can care for someone sincerely. If the person you care about feels comfortable knowing the truth, so be it. Tell them, though you think it will hurt, but to them, it is some what a relief. If a person you care about likes 'Chocolate Indulgence' to know that you care, go get them some! *It's really good btw* :)

Sometimes there is this urge to blog about somethin in my head. But once I sit down here, it disappears. Getting a hang of it is the key to the mind game I guess. Control, and express. So many things to say, but all with 'buts...' Mind's are so ineteresting but yet so deadly; destructive.

Quote of the day:
"If life is a game, then these are the rules." - babychocolattes, 06

*Untitled* .. or so you think?

Lol, drama flama. All that just makes me wanna laugh. It's so funny, I can't stand it lol.

God, there are so many haters in this world :( Let alone right here in Sel. Too bad I guess. It's the ying and yang haha (somehow I feel I sound like a monk...or nun.. or wadevs -.-"). Balanced between the good and evilness... Hahaha. Comment-less :X

It's so tempting to post somethin back, somethin that will probably shut the dramatizers up. But I guess, I don't stoop that low =P

It's not worth my untitled post so I should just move on to another topic..

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7km marathons aren't easy! I joined one yesterday; it was my first time after so long that I've participated in one :) I stepped into the stadium around 6.30am and whoa! I felt so outta place man =.= SO many pro(s) wearin all that short running pants and sleeveless shirts. Then there's me and muh bro wearin the sponsored T's and comfy shorts. It was a line between the PROs and AMATEURS Lol!!

Shorts like these? You will never see me in THAT!

So, starting was a bit tricky coz there were so many ppl; all wanting to be at the front line -.-"

..OHOH! and there were ppl wearin roller blades! I should do that in the next marathon! Muahahahhaha :P But of course, they weren't counted as runners la !

HAHAHA!! Speedoz LOL! ROFL!! Nice skinny toned legs dude :P Somehow I find their smiles very sohai-ish. Mebbe just posin for the cam man! Still.....funny larh >"<
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Anyyyway~~

My brother desserted me all of sudden, I couldn't find him and that was the beginning to meeting him at the finish line >"< I ran for about 5km, and the car fumes were gettin to me. Eventually I slowed down to a slow jog... *I felt damn pressured everytime someone passes me T_T* At one point, I was about to faint.. Only then, I decided that I needed to walk and take a breather. Haha, weakling me =( *"If only..." thoughts came in... (If only.. I trained harder or longer before the marathon...)*
Ahhh... so thirsty! Need a pipe to quench the thirst :(

Reached the finish line, after 45 mins. The first thing that came to mind was..."Where is the blardy Milo stand!!??" Pissed off, tired and sweaty... I saw the heavenly truck and miraculously, I sprinted there! *See what Milo can do to you !*

*Heaven*

In the end, I went home, feeling satisfied for accomplishing muh first marathon without stopping! KO-ed totally for 3 hours after that and woke up only to find...
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Sleepin...
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zZZzzZ.....ZzZZz....
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Dreamin.... *Hugs*
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that I had to attend an exhibition -.-" AND I was already late. *Bugger*

P.S: Why didn't I post any of my pics up? Coz! My mummie too lazie to take... =3 She didn't wanna follow me around while I was sweatin if off ! Grrr... Ish! Nvm, there will be another marathon; this time I will take my cam along :D!

Yeah!! :D

Oh! One thing I have learnt is to always bring a bottle of liquid while running a marathon. Dehydration, slows you down TERRIBLY!

*Semangat-ness! Pumped up!* Feel damn motivated to go for a 2nd one!! [Let's just hope ya'll can catch up with me eh?] :P!

Friday, November 03, 2006

Laugh out loud!

What does Chocolattes do when she's hyper?

~ Dance like a diva
~ Strip dancin!
~ Experiment different hairstyles
~ Do sit ups at 5am!
~ Write this
~ Consume more sugar
~ Watch "honey" (A movie)
~ Download hip hop dances
~ Drink milo
~ Play dress up
~ Cam-whore kao kao
~ Draw stuff on bro's books
~ Watch Peter pan
~ Miss calls ppl
~ Laugh at everythin
~ Open the fridge
~ Act pouty
~ Dance with the teddies
~ Spam IMs
~ Smile until I finally fall asleep
~ Act kiut
~ Talk to self
~ Arrange books/magazines
~ etc, etc, etc

Hahahahaha.... I think this is the 3rd persona post! It's not the craziest of things but it's still weird and stupid lol. I think there's more but I guess the creative-ness will only come out once I'm tipsy *ROFL

I'm like so high right now I think I can't walk up the stairs. I'd fall ... *boom boom boom*!! Bangs head and ends up in the hospital +_+ LOL!!

Alright man :D:D:D Imma gonna do some dance and sit ups ?
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If I ever make it to the living room -.-"!!

Muah muah muahhhhsS! Kisses to protect my hun tonite =x

xoxo I heart you... You... you... naughty naughty *beep*

<3<3<3

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

When you have nothing nice to write...

... Don't write it. Don't speak of it. Don't have anythin to do with it.

Shruging it off is the key to keeping a brain sane. In my case, MY brain.

Muaahahhahaha ;P Nola, I'm not emo-ed. Read my magnificent thoughts (though, it's not everything) and comment! It's worth it! Will lurve ya'll loads :) *wink wink*

*current resolution: Pumpin up da confidence yo!

"Don't judge me as a character, but as a person."

You can't always get what you want. You've done your part and now it's time to let the fortune wheel come your way. But in knowing that... it's always difficult when it comes to letting it be; especially when it's somethin close to heart.

Sometimes it's appealing/relieving to get a reason, comments and feelings directly. I have always been a person that needs 'words of affirmations'. Not for a black and white statement sake; it's just me. It's something that I need. Be it for decision makin, or opinions seeking. Beating around the bush doesn't work for me. Might as well, tell it to my face. Truth is not really escapable- inevitable. For the times I refrained myself from askin more, is probably to respect someone else's privacy; but curiosity always, and I mean, always kills the cat. When somethings are involving you as a person; as a pawn with emotions, there will always be the need to secure the way you're speculating things. Thinking things in ur head, makin assumptions, jumpin to conclusions; utterly a paranoia- a migrain inflicted, emotions will go haywire, and judgements will become too vague. And there you have it- a vulnerable humanoid.

The mind leads us to believe, sometimes even when we don't see the logic.

In more xtreme cases, u might even lose sanity. The mind is a powerful thing, but yet an easy influencial (is there such word? Ugh, who cares..) target. A weak mind could easily be exposed to manipulation. A mind might just be a brain thinkin, but it involves a human's life. Destroy a person's mind and you could probably destroy their lives.

As for me, I'm a sentimental person. I take everything that is valuable, precious, important, close to heart, and irreplacecable, seriously. I always mean what I say- emotions wise. If I say "I love you" I mean it. If I say "I hate you" I also mean it. There are no criterias' to one's way of showing a certain emotion. We cannot always expect the expected or want the expected. Indifferent, yes. But wonderful, depending on how you look at it.

"Sometimes, the situation does not allow a particular bond to form. But it's giving a chance to it, that makes a difference." - Babychocolattes, 06

But there's one thing that I've learnt in my life of 17 years: Always be the happier side of you. Do not show a frown to your loved ones, even when you're in an excruciating pain: heartaches, headaches, stomach ache, lost, etc. Always tell yourself to smile even at the worst of times.

Saying it's easy huh? But I have learnt that that's the only way to show your efforts. To allow someone happy, excited, carefree and hyper to have fun with you. And slowly they will understand your pain. Describing is futile. Feeling it is insightful and sensitive. Judging will be unecessary.

Though, I'd also like to point out that, although patience is virtue, stupidity is vice.

Everyone has a limit to something. Note that the one person that tries hard to make another happy, shouldn't be neglected of emotions. Acknowledge them to show that you care. If not, they'll probably feel unwanted and shitty for trying so hard. If the quote "Presistence pays off" exists, then I'm sure efforts are bound to as well. We all wish for the best anyway, but not everything we want to happen, will happen in our favor. That's just a part of life, I guess.

Humans will always be humans. We all commit all 7 deadly sins but also embrace the "infinite" kindness and humanity. That I think, is what we call, equalization? or is it correspondence?

People will always have comments about how you look, whether you're fat or skinny, intellectual or just plain dumb, strong or weak, bitchy or a saint, etc. Accept them though they may not be positive critisisms. There is always someone else better than you. Don't let comparisons make you stray away from who you are. You can change for the better, but you cannot change who you are. Who you are is like your DNA. You can't change ur DNA can u? -.-"

Loving myself is still hard for me to do. There is a certain inferiority involved and I can't seem to let it go. Competition is good, but what's the point if the grand prize is uncertain?

Therefore, it's not wrong to be just- who you are.

P.S: Ya'll know that there is a place in my heart that is currently irreplacable but crushed. Some of you might think "why did Sarah write this all of a sudden?". Well, if you think there is a message up there somewhere, then read the hidden codes a.k.a between the lines :)

"I don't know how far I'm willing to go, but as of now, I won't stop half way." - Babychocolattes, 06

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Remorse happens everyday for me. Moments of weaknesses abolishes; but I always put it up with a smile. I'm not an angel sent by God to please everyone. I don't even have the strength to please myself. Disappointments are inevitable in life. But they are mandatory essence that we live through to get to the top. Being at the top; you'd probably have the liberty to make more people happy. So work it!

Being in the same zone with me, is probably the best anyone could do atm. But no matter what, I will not stop trying. If you don't see results now, just wait and let the future unfold infront of your eyes :)

Love you loads *~*