Hurtful things hit you before you even know it...

Friends aren't friends when they blabber about you.

Occasional bitching is fine. But when bad things happen, and they act like they care for you but actually there are intentions behind it.

Sometimes you meet ppl, whom you don't know... and suddenly they start talking about ur exs and they actually know things. Wow. It hurts to listen to what they have to say, talking about ur exs current girlfriend and everything. It's stupid I know. But still, sure terasa a lil.

I could only love from behind the shadows. The love which until now, only I could understand. I'm hanging by a thread. No support. No big big teddy bear to bounce off when I fall. I'm quite alone if you see it my way.

I've had it. WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS WORLD? WHY DO THINGS HAVE TO BE SO BLOODY FREAKING TOUGH FOR ME TO HANDLE. EVERY SINGLE TIME I TRY.... I ONLY END UP IN MISERY.

FUCKING HELL... GOD WAHT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! I'VE HIDDEN MY EMOTIONS KNOWING THAT I'LL GET HURT IF I SHOW IT...

I'VE DONE THINKING TOO MUCH KNOWING THAT IT WOULD EVENTUALLY LEAD TO UNHAPPINESS.

I'VE DONE THINGS NATURALLY AND THINGS GET OUT OF HAND.

I KNOW I'M A LIL BLUR AND STRAIGHT FORWARD SOMETIMES BUT DOES IT MEAN THAT I'M STUPID AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING?

WHY DO YOU GET MAD AT ME WHEN ALL I TRY TO DO IS TALk?

WHY DO YOU GET ALL WORKED UP BECAUSE I TALK TO YOU..

WHY IS IT RARELY THAT WE GET A CIVILIZED CONVO?

I HAVE NO BLOODY INTENTIONS TO FIGHT.. AND YET SUCH HURTFUL WORDS CAN BE SAID.

PLEASE UNDERSTAND MY FUCKING POSITION. I'M NO BETTER THAN YOU ARE. IT'S BEEN TOUGH AND HEART BREAKING AND TIRING TO GO EVEN WAKE UP EVERY MORNING KNOWING THAT YOUR DREAM HAS BEEN CRUSHED INTO MORE THAN A THOUSAND PIECES.

I LIVED THROUGH THAT EVERY BLOODY DAY. FOR ALMOST A BLOODY YEAR.

I'VE PROBABLY CONFIDE IN ALL THE FRIENDS I HAVE. AND THEY PROBABLY GOT SICK AND TIRED OF ME NOT TRYING TO MOVE ON. YOU THINK IT'S SO FUCKIN EASY HUH? PLEASE, RETHINK WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

I FUCKING DON'T GO TO SCHOOL. YOU THINK I'M HAVING LOADS OF FUN?!

ALL I WANT IS TO DO IS HAVE MY HAPPY SELF AGAIN. TO BE ABLE TO DO THINGS WITHOUT A BARRIER. I JUST NEED WARMTH FROM THE PAST. THOUGH IT SEEMS LIKE A LOT TO ASK, BUT THAT'S ALL I NEED RIGHT NOW.

REGAINING MYSELF, MY THOUGHTS; THAT IS FREAKING TOUGH RIGHT NOW.

I HAVE TO GO THROUGH ARGUING WITH MY MOM AND DAD AND BROTHER FOR GODS SAKE... EVERY FUCKING DAY. BUT WHEN I COME ONLINE... IM A HAPPY GIRL. OR AT LEAST I TRY TO.

THAT TAKES SO MUCH OUT OF ME AND I'M ALSO AT A DEAD END RIGHT NOW. I FEEL SO BAD AND SO FREAKING USELESS EVERY SINGLE TIME WHEN I HAVE A CHANCE TO TALK TO YOU, IT ENDS UP IN A DISAGREEMENT OR SOMEONE BEING UNHAPPY.

I've done it. I'm crushed. I don't know what to do.

Sleeping at 5am in the morning doesnt help.

Eating doesn't help.

Reasoning with my self doesnt bloody help too.

I even blame my stupid self for just TRYING or DOING MY BEST or DOING WHAT I CAN. But to no avail. As it is only looked from one angle.

Right now, I don't even know who to believe. I don't believe what anyone says.

You say you love me? Show me.
You say you want me? Show me.
You say you wanna be my friend? show me.
You wanna show me that ur telling the truth? Prove it. Do it.

If you don't want me. Say so.
I've heard so many things. So many lies so many rumors. I don't know what to believe.

Maybe I am being used. Maybe not. But who am I to judge.

I've been so afraid. So confused. I can't think anymore. So someone please tell me... what is it that is fucking going on.

Am I being played here?

Have I been living in a world of lies?

Wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf????!?!?!?!?!?

In the end, not everything is as sweet as candy and not everything is true when you look at it.