Good Morning from...

The cc. It's almost 4am and I have no life. I'm sad, confused and I've heard many things which proves the words that were spoken these 4 months fakes. I was always told to tell the truth, and I have. Whether you want to believe it or not. Up to you.

Yesterday had been a bad day. I was "blamed" for apparently no reason for causing someone's misery. You know sometimes people just have that "I know it's you and I'm VERY sure that you did it" attitude to show that they're right, but let's say if that they're wrong, their ego or somethin is just too high to express a "sorry". Well, that I cannot understand.

Today, I thought that I was going to have a happy night. But it ended up in tears and bigger cries following with sobs. The difference is this time, McD's didn't even help. Ice cream didn't work. So what am I to do?

I had an accusive phone call followed by friends who just ignored me. And here I am wondering what the fucking hell I did wrong...

I thought friends, even when they couldn't stand seeing you sad, they would at least console you or even listen to what you have to say. But not this time. This time, almost everyone that I'm close to has abandoned me. They don't have time to listen, they are to timid or some shit to even look at me, and they choose the chicken way out. That is to IGNORE me.. to not listen to what I have to blab.

If you want to hear the whole story..here it is.

I did not do anything wrong. I did not start the damn fire. I did not make things the way they are. I am just like the rest of you, looking from the outside. This wasn't my fuckin decision and I didn't make any calls. I didn't even talk anyone in to doing this. You think I can manipulate people? Think again. I'm the last person on earth who can.

Was this how I expected to turn out? NO.
Was this how I wanted it to be? NO.
Was this the end that I was "carelessly" and also "happily" looking for? Definitely NO.

Coz obviously some people aren't happy with how things are dealt with here and I don't even know myself anymore.

Imagine. Me. In the cc. At fuckikn 4 am...
I have no life... no one to care for anymore.

I've been blamed for something TRIVIAL that I didn't even commit. And all I was..was being the outside person.

What happened to the truth you so carelessly spoke about?
Then why am I not receiving any news from u?

You fuckin wanna blame me. Go ahead.

Don't say I didn't try to understand the damn situation.
I tried but you didn't even wanna open ur damn mouth to speak about the truth.

Was it all an act?
I don't know.

Why don't you tell me?

I expected people to talk to me nicely. At the least.
But no. All I got was some fucking cursin and a line cut.

If my existence just burdens the 2 most important people in my life, why don't I just fuck off from this world, and not be here anymore. Seems like the whole of this year, I've not been wanted.

Call me taking the easy way out. But that's what i'll do if things don't clear up. Enough prolonging and enough blaming. Someone speak to me. The truth.

I'm done being played with. I don't know who is even real anymore.

If I'm not being played with or blamed. Then what is? What the fucking hell is going on?!

You claim that i seriously don't understand you. You claim that I don't think like you. Well, here's some news. I tried. And you were supposed to at least guide where I'm wrong. Instead, you shut off, and not say a single word. Leaving me here to rot out - guessing.

Enlighten me with your oh so wise decisions and dilemmas. Because I seriously don't know whether I should believe anyone anymore. I've been lied to more than your fingers and toes combined. STOP IT. ENOUGH!! Just tell me the fucking truth and if I don't get it then I'm sorry. But I won't oppose you either. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. So live with it. Or live a lie your whole life.

How much MORE do you all want to break me DOWN?!

I cannot go any further DOWN.

At the least I expect an apology. Because before you know the whole damn story, don't act like you fuckin know everything. Don't insult me and don't push to me ALL the blame.

Talk like humans. Not hulligans. So, one last time, someone, talk to me and get things clear out. Because I'm civilized enough not to get hot-tempered and talk things out.

But one thing, don't play with my life. I have no more life in me for you to play with anymore.