More facts about me? @@"

It's 11.45pm.. and I have not fallen asleep yet. Sigh. This is bad because if I don't sleep now, I will wake up late tomorrow, as I always do on Mondays but later. What am I supposed to do T_T

Current mood: Sad, a lil depressed and thinking about unproductive things.
Craving for: Nice animes to watch, someone to take care of me, food [ice-cream, egg tart, maggi mee, indo mee, anything that u can cook in 3 minutes]
Plans tomorrow: Maybe go to Mid Valley, if there's anyone to accompany me. Need somethings.
Playing: Music {Angelus}

Argh, brain lock. Can't think of anything to write about. This can get annoying sometimes.

Neway, grandma's bday today. I missed going to Mid Valley and also church. But it's for grandmama so it's alright. Went to lakeview restaurant to eat dinner with the rest of my relatives. My cousin brother, Darren made this sketch book cum photo album which came in black and white pics of us all for grandma. I think she liked it, I dont know because there wasn't much expression on her face.

Ever thought of friends abandoning you? Well, I have thought about it lately and I came to a conclusion. Friends who abandon you = not friends in the first place. I don't really mind, just that sometimes you really got to know ppl and they leave you just like that; it sucks big time. I'm not much of a socializer and I don't like to be in the center of attention unless it's the people I know.

I still consider myself quite an insecure person as I need to always have someone I know that can stand by my side when I need them. I need to have words of affirmation to know that I'm loved. It's not merely words to me, but they come with meanings. Right now, I feel a little confused, though at times only, but still I always have doubts after doing certain things. I do think before I do whatever I do, just that when the daunting feeling comes, I get shaken away from my believes or my purpose.

What things can please me? or make me a happy person? When I get to have [good] fun. As in, it's very mutual and understanding, not those crazy crazy kind of fun. Like for example, when a friend makes a joke, it's nice to know that we're thinking on the same frequency so that misunderstandings can be avoided. I'm quite a serious person when it comes to jokes because I don't know how to react to it, and constantly told that I'm not sporting, not fun, or not cool, just breaks my spirit even lower. Although, I don't know how to take jokes sometimes, as long as I'm in the same frequency as you, I can joke back and sometimes become sarcastic. Despite saying that, I can also be very protective of myself, maybe that explains me being quite a lot.

On the other hand, I also can be a party chic; if I wanted to. I may be new to it and all. But I don't think that it will be hard to adapt to. Once I know how to party and dance my arse off, well I guess then people would consider it "kewl". But to me, though I could party, I still behave morally. I don't like strangers in the club, touching my arse or plainly touching places they aren't supposed to touch. Unless you're my boyfriend. That's different :P I wouldn't drink till I'm drunk and not "waras" enough to drive home. I wouldn't just follow any guy who wants to meet me in person to someplace quiet. Etc. I don't have to be a party animal to be able to enjoy myself. Dancing itself, is already a fun point.

*I guess my boyfriend doesn't have to worry if people touched me whatsoever, coz I wouldn't let them =) Unless you want to play the role of being a protective honey and defend my honor! Hahaha... I would love to have someone who could...though. *smiles to myself*

Lol, back to the point...

What else what else...hmm..

Somtimes, when I'm down, I just remind myself that I'm different from other people or the people I mix with so that I don't feel too left out. It's nice to get in the fun, and into the convos and for me, it just isn't natural. When you see me getting into things, you know it's natural, because it's hard for me to "act" it out. I'll feel damn uncomfortable. I can't please [everyone] for being myself nor can I live up to [everyone's] expectations. I want to make ppl around me feel happy all the time if I could. But sadly to say, I'm not the person who makes a leader. I'm quite timid when it comes to crowds and people. Too self-cautious I think. Blame it on my low self-esteem.

At times, I think I'm coming across a personality conflict. Although, I am who I am, and who I want to be, I always have to overcome 2 things which is being nice and also being a fun and spontaneous person. I can never do both at the same time. I have trouble expressing myself so that ppl can understand me or what I'm saying.

After all I've said, I can only end it with...how in the world did it go from grandma's bday to personality conflicts? Hmmm.. off topic wei.

I'm still young =) and childish at times but I can think straight. Just lately, I haven't been able to drill my brain properly in spite of being creative. All I can think of are unproductive things. How will this month end for me? I don't know. I'm just going through it day by day.

"I may be a nice and kind person, but that doesn't mean your chances of taking advantages will be a success, because you'd never know." - babychocolattes,06

P.S: I just realized that lately, I haven't been posting picture entries, lol. I'm guessing whoever is reading this blog of mine will be bored out of their mind because most humans are more interested towards visual things. But that's okay =)