It may be words, but it's funny =)

• A guy at work went in for a competition and won a trip to China. He's out there now...trying to win a trip back!
• When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
• My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and he said 'Do I know you?'
• Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
• A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.'
  The doctor says, 'It's old age.'
  The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.'
  The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
• I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
• So one day as a kid I was at the local Zoo. I was bored and kept pestering my Dad to go and play. Eventually he agreed, took me over to the lion enclosure, threw me in and said: "There ya go, play dead..."
• A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, "Did you miss a step?"
  "No," he answers, "I hit every one of them!"
• I once made love to a female clown, and she twisted my penis
  into a poodle.
• Last christmas my sister, Geri, gave me a lovely Cloth calendar. It only took me 5 hours to sew in a Doctor's appointment...
• Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? ...He's a mile away and you've got his shoes.
• I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite.
• My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
• I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.
• You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.
• Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
• The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
• To solve the human equation, we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and divide between truth and error.
• Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.
• My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one.
• My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a bitch.
• He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news.
• What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
• The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits
• When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.

Well, I laughed my arse off when I read these. Hope you did too..or maybe more ? :P U know what I mean xD