When leaving is more than walking away.

Everyone's human. We do what humans would/could do: question, forgive, get angry, negotiate, discuss, have fun, communicate, feel, get insecure, commit suicide, be happy, enjoy the small things that matter, gamble, become a gangster, do drugs, work as a prostitute, cry, etc. Of course, those are our choices.

• We get hurt, but we mend the wounds.

• We get upset, but come to our senses later on.

• We become egoistic, but learn how to put ourselves in other people's shoes.

• We can be sore losers, but in time learn to accept defeat.

• We are loved, but also we learn to love.

• We keep taking, but one day realize that giving feels good too.

• We talk as if we're the only ones in pain, but being aware we realize there are others who are worse off than us.

• We become selfish because of insecurity; refusing to share with others the knowledge we have, but with the right support, we find sharing a wonderful ability.

• We take little things for granted, but when we lose them, we start to appreciate every moment.

Take two steps back and reflect. When life offers us so much, but we fear every oppotunity given, we don't live. That's how my mom looks at me, although she doesn't say it in that manner.

In a way, we homeschoolers don't know how to enjoy life doing the "in" thing or experiencing the wild escapades as much as school going kids. We are much more reserved and phlegmatic (that's what I think. If you're a homeschooler that isn't like that, sorry, this description doesn't point at you). I, myself think that I was sort of "deprieved" of my teenhood. Until this day, I have trouble keeping up with friends who are spontaneous, bubbly who aren't afraid to do things that might embarass them but entertain others.

Being brought up as a homeschooler, I find that I'm more serious than my peers. I analyze fun, I think through before doing anything "new". I don't just do fun things on the spot like my friends do. People often ask why I do not laugh at their jokes; maybe because I didn't find it funny, or maybe it wasn't my kind of "dumb". I've seen other blogs that are written by typical teens saying they don't want to grow up, they don't want to work *college*, they just want fun. Fun, fun, fun.

But as for me, though I still have my share of fun, I think more about my future. Working future. Maybe that is why people look at me and say "this isn't a fun person", because I think thoughts that people probably, don't usually ponder over until they're 21. I don't have that "high school" personality.

Maturity perhaps? Or is it hormones? I don't know.

Don't get me wrong. I love to hang out with my friends. I love to have fun with them. But I haven't stayed long enough to experience "their" kind of world. My kind of fun could sometimes be lame in their eyes. That doesn't really boosts ones confidence.

People may smack me right on the face and tell me that I'm thinking too lowly of myself, but I am not. I am the kind of person where, you don't have to dive into sewers to figure out. I will offer to tell and show you in hope that you will understand the me inside. I don't portray mystery all the time. I dislike people misunderstanding me, that's why I make an effort on explaining myself most of the time.

I don't like to be doubted especially if I've done many things in my own way to support my words. I was selfish once, maybe I still am a little, but I've learned to give without asking for anything in return. I took 'bear' for granted once due to my childish attitude, but I've learned to appreciate and savor every bit of it now. I have a lot to offer but very little resources to use, so forgive me if I cannot be there all the way, but I try. I may have been an ass before, but I'm making up for lost and un-used time. After all that, the only thing missing in my life is the 'honey' inside you. Never say that I'm insincere because if I was/am, I would have never used up my time to plan and do the things I've done.

The tears and worries may come and go, but that's how it is. It will exist as long as the solution is vague. There is nothing to blame but only to mend. Lend me a hand when mine is burnt from tears; lend me an ear when I voice my unhappiness; guide me to you when I've lost my direction.

Often, I tell myself that smiling and laughing is our best medicine. And so, even in the darkest of times, when I cannot bring myself to trust... I trust that my smiles and laugh will brighten both our days.

-------------

I know la, this is a kick ass long post, but those who don't read will miss out! :p Well, miss out on getting to know me a lil more. Lol, my goodness, so shameless. But hey, it doesn't hurt to read the whole thing; it's not like I'm asking you to read a 1000 page 'sejarah' textbook =\

Updates: I've received my Bronze Certificate for the EYAA programe. Want to know more about it please e-mail your enquiries to amyjdelph@gmail.com or, if you just want to know the surface of it, you can ask me. Haha. I'm supposed to be proud of this for like, a year, but the excitement in me has died down. I'll need to aim higher now or my achievements fruitful feeling will only last 3 days max. Imagine, one year of work = 3 days of happiness/proudness then it's back to nothing? :( Tell me la, who would want that! or is it just me? wtf.

On another note, I'll be joinin the Writers`Camp soon! I'll be following 2 dungu EYAAns and I can't wait :) As for the Marathon... uh, I think I gotta start waking up at 8am to train. I haven't touched the track for more than a month and I think I'm beginning to feel the cheese on my arse. Har har har, not.funny. I can't lose to Ethan and my brother! Alright! *pep talks to self*

I'm good to go.

G'nite! G'nite! While the stars are bright! :)

Loves, buzzkins.