3 Posts in a day

I know it's kind of too much to post 3 entries a day but I was bored and therefore I am here now blogging. Why did I start this new blog? ( I had an old one ). Well, I feel that I have to start afresh and start thinking postive? I had so much problems and breakdowns this year that I've come to a point where I couldn't take it anymore. So, in a way, blogging helps me to ease my head of worrysome thoughts.

Before this, I was a screwed up person. Actually it was just this year. Things really didn't go my way and I couldn't make do with what I have. I was a confused, angry, annoying, depressed, selfish, emotional, overly sensitive, moody, unfriendly person. What exactly could have cause my character to be so and so? Well, that I prefer to keep confidential to myself. I won't want to reveal my problems to the whole world do I? And because I was like that, I cut off communication from my family, and my relatives. The amount of words I say to my parents can even be counted daily! From there, I constantly went out because I couldn't face my family, I couldn't face what they had to say about the state I was in. I went out so much that I hardly see my dad anymore and my mom just became "careless" about me.

At that point, I really didn't know what do about myself. I was so indulged in my depression that I had forgotten all the people around me. The people who love me. People whom are my friends and close acquaintances. I lost my confidence, my strength, my desire to succeed in life, passion for performing arts, and most importantly, my fighting spirit. I've totally lost that.

Then one day, a friend asked me to go out and have a lil chat; which I did go. That friend of mine doesn't really keep in touch with me often, vice versa. But nonetheless, he cared and I was surprised when he asked me to go out. Apparently, he knew of the situation I was in and was worried. I'm glad to have a friend who's honest and telling me right in the face that I was not living my life properly. No, I'm not going to say that, because of that talk, I woke up from my slumber and suddenly felt enlightened. But I came to realize that I was too clingy and fragile that even the slightest thing could break me. I had to be the stronger one to show all who thought of me as a weakling; I will prove them wrong.

So, here I am now, trying to make up for the times I've wasted this year. I want to move ahead and do well in my studies. Occasionally, I still do have breakdowns but not as bad I guess. But to start anew, I need guidance and all the support I need. I don't want to sound pitiful but this is what's happening to me. How deep I've gone into the "ditch". I want to be able to smile sincerely again, to laugh out loud, and to be playful. In time, I know it will come. I just need to work harder.

Off topic:

Today, during my creative thinking class, my mentor asked us to interprete one quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson.
"What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered."

My thoughts were - It's the small and little things we do that matters. Weeds, are actually nothing. They grow on our grass but do nothing except getting in the way of the growth of our plants. If you thought about it like that, you were pre-judging. When we look at the weed, we judged it by its appearance but who knows one day it might bloom into something that could be benficial. It's a thought that makes us humble, the way we see things. That something so small, could well be useful in the future?

Give it a thought: How does that quote apply to you?