Try as if you've never failed before.


It's 5am in the morning, and I am feeling the pressure and stress coming from all angles. I made a decision to complete my education, but it's becoming more of a complicated matter.

My mother questioned my priorities, and unsurprisingly, it lies within my performing areas. She thinks I am not focused; I am only human. I was never the perfect daughter anyway.

I'm definitely more inclined to my passions if an opportunity opens. Why wouldn't I grasp it? Am I suppose to let it go because of exams, and studies? I don't think so. I don't think my calling belongs in such places. It's just one of those times in life where you feel that you know the touch of your calling, but you don't know yet, the places it would take you.

I am unable to sleep, I cry at random moments, and all this derives from being too self critical and pressured. My parents need to take two steps back and ask themselves why their daughter presented such unduly standards; they should have never been so hard on me. Albeit all that, I still want to be sure that I am doing something crucial in my life so they wouldn't think so lowly of me.

Then again, all I am reading is body language. They always emphasize on how much I assume, which I believe is wrongly accused. They are driving me to leave this home, and I am actually considering the factors.

Help me, anyone. I need someone who doesn't lecture life philosophies back at my face, but help me as I go along this treacherous road. I need an interactive solution.

Even kids have their moments.

The sun will be rising in 2hours.

I am not prepared to face failure once again.

What has happened to my self worth?

Why do I find it so hard to belong?

Why do I find it difficult to trust people's honesty?

Please God, I do not want to go back into depression.

Been there; it left scars on my body.

Blood and tears, I need someone.

I tried, I defended, but I did not do; I am falling.

Knowledge is spoonfed, applications are learned.
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"She lives the poetry that he cannot write. The others write the poetry that they dare not realise." - Oscar Wilde

Mom, this one is for you;

"The critic has to educate the public; the artist has to educate the critic."
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She lacks the indefinable charm of weakness.
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I do not shun away from the hectic schedules, but I am in need of a backbone. Too many adults; too little compromise. Try as I may, with the strength that I have, it has never been enough. My little achievements, mounted into a pile of achievements, but it has never been enough.

Answer this;

What do you want from me?
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Do not use me as the subject. Make it your own, pledge it with honesty. I'm tired of hearing the contradictions you throw at me.


Pens and paper, it does not atone.