Stressing out till the finish line.


Exams are coming. It's coming so soon that I'm numb to the importance of it all. I never really wanted this. I was somewhat psychologically pushed into the fact that I have to get it done once and for all, or I'll be deemed indifferent and stupid.

Insomnia will kick in soon enough. Stress will lead to illness that I never wished I had. I hate all of this. I talk to them and it ends up in a pile of argument.

This isn't easy for me, MOM. I know you are doing all you can to make sure I get the best grades that anyone could ever get- distinction. I thank you for that. It's not that I'm not smart enough; but you're constantly breathing down my neck. I have no space, and I feel pressured. I am not you; I am not strong headed like you. Please, give me a break. I have many other problems to deal with, and you are not helping at all. Even if I fell sick, you never showed compassion, or love. All you do is blame me for being sick; saying that I brought it upon myself.

I'm sick of being told that I'm overly sensitive. I need someone who could accommodate that emotion into a positive vision. No one knows how difficult this is for me, no one knows that I'm trying my best, no one acknowledges the fact that I need unconditional support- no one.

Stop preaching to me on how to be a person; start being one yourself. The only difference that makes me a better person is that I try to make amends bit by bit. And I know how invisible I am to you. That is why I cannot stand to be myself in this family. I am not the filial daughter you wished I'd be.

My efforts are futile, and I end up lonely, just like the piercing cold wind.

Maybe that's why I have always relied on you.