"Let the Goddesses...

Decide to do what they want to me. Just give me a caramel latte while they're at it." - Babychocolattes, 06

I know I'm supposed to write somethin happy here today but erm, this post is probably just thoughts. Happy or unhappy, you be the judge.

"You can only be so noble. I knew it right from the start. Just wanted to see if you could honor your words. Clearly, you couldn't. I deem that as immaturity." - Babychocolattes, 06.

Not to you babes. No worries ;P

I just feel like putting poems that I've written for Him.

Cute stuff I've written, when I missed him or just thought about him :P Kiddi la that time, missed him muchos so I sms-ed all this like... continuosly Lol! Suddenly, I feel young again! Ha..haa..haha.. -.-"

Heart to heart we communicate,
Soul to soul we appreciate,
Our love is not so delicate,
To live, to love and to dedicate.

Kisses so tender that it makes me dream,
Hugs so warming that it makes me dim,
Love so passionate that it makes us cream,
We're meant to be;
That's what it seems.

Sleep tight my dear,
As midnight is near,
Have no fear,
Coz I'm just right here.

Your love is what I long for,
A feeling that will never bore,
Feeling happy and never sore,
Starting at forever,
Ending at never.

Seeing you is such a delight,
Hugging you with all my might,
Kissing you is always right,
Loving you at first sight.

Never am I leaving you,
Because of you my life came through,
Now my heart belongs to you,
Let's make our dreams come true.

There were way cuter ones. But I'm too shy to put here..hehe. It's really really cute. Until you all cannot tahan and get goosebumps. =X So I shall think of the readers of well-being and healtlh. HAhahahaha :P Lolz Feel damn geli rite? Nyak nyak.

Looking back, I feel so happy. I feel that it was all that, all bare, all true. No edits, whatsoever. This is one of the qualities I think I'm proud of. I cannot be a faker. I will engrave that into my blood for the rest of my life. It's something that makes me a better person. And I like it.

Btw, I have a webbie cam! Who wanna web wit me, just drop a msg at the chattiebox, since it's quite dead there =.=" But BEWARE! for my cam is not really that clear, so pls bear wit me :D

Status: Rehabilitation, training in progress -.- Lol. No, it's nothin to do with the military or drugs. But it'd help, if supports are there when they're needed or not needed. Anything is fine. Just hope to have a smile on my face each day :)

One more thing,
!@%#@&%^(*^()$&*)$ I wished I could drive. Actually more to having my own car :P So that if I wanna do anything, I don't have to burden other ppl T_T I feel so bad u know sometimes :( But nvm! I know you all love me... sooo...@!
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You all wait for one more year k? *buahahahaha~*
[Findin "evil mode button", to turn it off :P]

Ohayo!

I just notice that I have this pic. I find it kewl though :) I can feel the passion and sadness in it.

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Today, will be the final ep. of "My Girl". Sobbi3z. It was great entertainment, (For someone like me la) and I hope that the next series is also as good :P

What will happen in the end?!
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What I'd like to happen in the end:-

Gong-chan, and Yoo-rin would get back together. Hopefully Gong-chan doesn't give up and hopefully Hyun-woong doesn't get her before gong chan does! Coz he found her first :P and furthermore Yoo-rin doesn't like him to that extend. I also wanna see how Gong-chan's grandpa's granddaughter looks like! They didn't show...so I'm a bit curious >"< style="font-style: italic;">doesn't ruin in for them. I also hope that Gong-chan's famous tennis player ex gf doesn't screw things up for them because they are meant to be, or mebbe it's just cute to see them fight! Lolz. The cuteness is overwhelming! I cannot take it!

Counting down... 1 hour and 40 minutes left! Isshokenmei ganbarimasu yo!!
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Hahas. I know I'm a romantic addict! but also a romantic lover :P Don't laugh! I'll bite ur head off :P

Edit: 9.30pm! Finish already lurr the show! My predictions were right! They DID kiss and summore in the elevator; totally romantic. The grandpa approved of them and then the grandpa's granddaughter finally appeared! weeee :D Lee Woong Dook ROXOR!



I <3 this show forever!

To: The love of my life...once upon a time...

This will be the reply from our previous conversation.

First of all, writting my hatred and my thoughts in this blog, wasn't meant to burn you to hell. You said you loved me, and said there was a future. For months and months, I held on to your words believing its truth. During that process, many other things happened. Jealousy sometimes kicked in, sometimes I get the feeling that I'm losing my own pride and dignity; I don't know what goes on in that little head. I just couldn't share you like this. Through this kind of method. It was painful and hard but it happened anyway.

You told me you had strong feelings for me. You hinted that the one was me. You flirt without any worries of what would become if it got carried away. Knowing that I had feelings for you, and knowing how deep I loved you, did you really think you're doing things for the best? Or maybe think about some things you said that could have meant nothing to you but somethin to me? I believed that u were trying to close to me. But I'd ruin it most of the times. I didn't know what would happen if once again, I was close. I was scared. Paranoid. I asked things which I shouldn't and ruin the mood. I wouldn't say it's all your fault coz I also asked about it. Therefore it was me who destroyed a part of myself.

You say that my blog was my weapon. You didn't understand me then. What I wrote, out of anger or hatred, was merely at moments when I felt confused. Unwanted. Unloved. Lost. Look at it this way. You have 2 people loving you. I had no one; in a special manner. I didn't have you not as in a possession but someone who just loves me and wants to move in life together. I dind't have that. And maybe because I felt that you were her, I couldn't express myself properly, and accept your loving gestures. I thought you loved me, but then I couldn't be so sure anymore. I was insecure and I was scared. I was scared that you would bombard me with more sadness which I can't take. I was scared that one day you might just disappear from me, and I'd regret not telling you that I couldn't take it anymore. I knew the pressure you had though you didn't show. Sometimes, I refrain from asking. I stayed strong. Like you, no one knows what goes on in my head or when I'm alone. I try not to sob. For you. I tried to be happy. For you and me.

I tried to be fun. I tried to be myself. Maybe that's why I wasn't afraid to post the angry posts up. Have you ever seen it my way? Because it's clear that you think I don't know whats happening at your side of the story. I ask you things but you refuse to tell me only leaving me to assume to myself. Because you always think that it will either ruin me or ruin the mood or just ruin your day. And you think that I will always not understand and think differently. But the difference is...If you said something, I would have known what's going on instead of leaving me in the dark. It doesn't ease my restlessness. I wanna know not to kpc in ur stuff, but give myself a release from pain. But I don't blame you for not telling. You had your reasons and I asked no further. Then again, I don't blame you coz you gave hints. It was me who wanted you to say it out instead of givin hints. I just couldn't bear seeing you with another. It hurt me and led me to say things I later on regretted.

But not everything that happened was bad. I could see that you cared. I could see that you were living in remorse. I didn't know how to get to you. I wanted to be part of your life again. Not someone watching from the outside. But I couldn't be there for you and I've hated myself everyday for that. I've always tortured you with comments that were filled with uncertainties and resulted in you thinking that I don't want to be close to you anymore. I do. I was just very unsure of what I'm getting myself into. You have to understand... it wasn't easy opening up to anyone.

For 4 months, you can ask any of your friends. I've been damn loyal to you. I've always made reasons and opinions to defended your situation. I've always stood by you even if you didn't see it or think so. They told me that I'm an idiot. They told me that I was being played. They told me I was insurance. Don't you think that those things can get to me? For someone holding half the burden for you, I didn't mind, and I let them say things until they finally gave up on me. Don't you think those things contributed to my confusion as you couldn't tell me whats on your mind? Don't see you see why now I needed your reassurance once in a while so that I don't go crazy and probably you would have gotten less "stress" from me as I wouldn't be so assuming towards you. It's not the hints that could have ease me pain... it was sincere words expressed. But I didn't wanna push you into saying things you don't want to coz I don't want you to drift away. But now, only noticing my actions through reflections, that I've realized I did something terrible. I know sorry won't do it. I don't blame you.

"Even if I cared...even it was the small things that count...I don't see any gestures from you that shows you accept my actions or you still want to be with me. I didn't get any security, and I felt in my position I will lose everything with nothing to gain. AND being human, it's only normal that people can be selfish with some of their own needs. I needed protection. I felt very open to be attacked." You weren't there to hold me and tell me it's okay anymore.

When you told me what you wanted to do today, imagine how heartbroken I was. I know it doesn't really matter to you anymore. You made me feel so bad for writting things that were actually of no bounds. I was free to write, but I would admit...I didn't think before writting. It was cruel and it stung hard on u. For that, I'm sorry.

Even if I were to seek forgiveness now, or start anew, it wouldn't be the same anymore. I've never gotten over you and I am hurt by the way you conclude about me. The anger in me was acceptable to you and yet you took them seriously. But I guess everyone would if people are writting bad things about them. Sometimes people can say things they don't mean when they're angry. They don't think clearly. I'm sorry if you thought that I intentionally wanted to hurt you. But I didn't and you know it.

Before you leave, here are some things I want to say...

I've never meant to say those things at the spurr of the bad moments. I may have seen some true colors but I don't think that you are a bad person. I'm very lost and sad and broken down in tears to know that you are leaving. But this time I won't force you to stay, neither will I stop you from going. But always bear in your mind, I've never ever lost my love for you. Even now when things are a mess, and you see me as if I'm being a bitch. Like you said once, "If only we could go back in time..." I'm sure we would have been great.

I've repeatedly tortured our fragile relationship till now it has not much of a substance left. If there's a way where we could reconcile, let that be one day. We're both too broken to with hold anything.

It's a shame that for now, things are over and done with. I've said many bad things that I did not mean out of doubts, and in the end, the result was a broken soul- you.

Nothing I say or do, will ammend the stabs and wounds I've installed in you. But one last time, I'm asking you to forgive me. I've misunderstood you, and I will miss you dearly. Every night I listen to that one record I have in my hp, about you telling me that you love me... about me bein jealous and the laughter behind it. Even when I slept at 5am, I listened to it before I slept. Once in a while, I look at the photo I have in my room, the family photo that had so much happiness in it. Everytime I feel as if I'm going to kill myself, I read the one story you've sent me. Till today, it's still here.

I will miss you very much. I've been missing your embrace since the day this nightmare occured. I so wish that you can come back, but I know it won't happen for now, because you need to find yourself. I'd understand. That's why I let you go in the first place. And I don't think you remember that night when it was so hard for me to do so, on the phone. Maybe u do..

I've often thought, maybe I shouldn't have done that. But what's done is done. The hurtful things you say, I choose not to believe and so I won't start now. I hope that from now, everytime you read this blog, you will see something that can help brighten your day. Now, you look at me as just a person, just a girl that you loved...when all I wanted was to be by your side and go through life together. But clearly I have not been able to do that successfully, and it resulted in you breaking down emotionally into pieces.

I know sorry to you is just a word. But after what you've said, I felt very bad. I should have stayed by your side when times were bad, but I didn't and I sucked. I only wish for time to heal that broken soul inside of you. I'll pray every night for you. So please, don't forget the times, that was once a fairy tale. I hope that the friendship we have now, will stay as it is. Though not special anymore, but it still exists. I would always treasure and remember you in my heart.

Even now we're stagnant, it's best not to shrug each other away anymore. I've heard your side and I've seen a whole new picture. If you ever need a hug, I'll be there. I hope I can make it.

My heart's with you, always have...and I hope you do well.

"My words can be a "killer" but my true feelings, kills the killer." - Sarah --> Hx (It's to u) If you don't understand it, ponder then. Forgive me once again, for I was the killer who murdered the only thing left sane in you.

I <3 You

Me & You. A dream of a lifetime.

The big book I wrote poems in when you went to Sabah :(

Cute things come in big thoughts!

Greatest birthday ever :) Thank you once again, dear.

Pic taken today. I'm missin you dearly. But I don't know how to say it.

The only "person" that I turn to when I'm sad at home.

Cutest thing ever.

Candid Cam but still lookin good :)

I miss you and being close (Sincerely)...

X-games ticket. I still keep it. Our first and will not be the last.

Pretty things as memories. Locked in a key-chain with love frm Africa.

You are as devilish as the Deviruchi =) *You know what I mean* -something nice don't worry -.-"

Just blahs

Sometimes people say things and they tell you they mean it... could all just be blahs.

"I'll take care of it...I just need time."
"I promise (this) and (that) will happen."
"No, it's nothing special. (What happens and what not)...doesn't really matter."
"No, I won't be sad if that happens."
"It's just something normal. My hearts not really in it...I'm not really sure..."
"...But if I could choose, I'd rather be single."
"I miss you...don't sleep."
"No, you won't be sleeping, coz I'll call you :P"
"It's as if you don't want it to happen."
"You're sweet.. ya know..."
"I just want to make you happy..."
"I don't blame you."
"Why... why won't you trust me?"
"...Eventhough I know that you are the one..."
"I do see a future...I really do."
"Yes." (When in reality it actually means no, or could just be a painkiller to kill the pain and kill the person slowly.)
"After all this hoo-hahs, we'll go have some quality time yeah?"

So yeah, words can just be the mouth speaking, not the brain or heart. (See why I highlighted "can just be" = "might")

God knows what the reasons are, but if they won't tell, how are we supposed to guess it right? If we're wrong, so be it. We cannot guess it right all the time. Sometimes people need to learn how to express themselves without getting worked up or overly protective of their own image/mainly just themselves. If we fail to read signals, then so be it. Because we aren't all born with extremely sharp reading people "skills/capabilities."

Then suddenly you realize, people can just be in their own denials of life. They choose to deny the truth, and choose to deny everything around them that could possibly be their pillar of support(s). Some pillars might be weaker than others, but we should appreciate that they are even there when others aren't. Some people just choose to be full of themselves, shruging off important things that can last a lifetime.

Well, sad to say, if people act like that, they risk putting their own happiness and trustworthy people on the line. They would risk putting everything else but themselves on the line and if things goes terribly wrong, or not the way you've planned; it's gone. Everything. And you have to start from scratch again. Which doesn't really sound all bad; depends on how u look at it.

But then again, who am I to decide for them? If they don't want to do it, then I can't do it for them. It just doesn't work that way.

I'm so tired of proving the innocence of me. If they don't want to believe me. Fine. I have no time and no more mental energy to go on and on about what obviously doesn't have any results.

Like what one my friends said, "You give him your heart, knowing that the unlikeliest thing would happen. He either wants to accept it and treasure it, or he'll just throw back against the hard wall."

Why do I even care? Why do I even put so much effort into something that doesn't have a base to start off with? Well, I used to do it for a reason. But the reason has neglected me. What's the reason, u say? That's for me to know and for you to find out :)

Sometimes things just get out of hand when you least expect it to be. And like everyone says; including you "What goes around, comes around." So why are things so "worked up" right now?

*Gasp* Don't tell me that you actually cared?! So the whole time, the stories told had 2..no.. 3 sides to it? Geezes Kraist! Stop lying and get on with the real show. If there is anything you want to hate. Ya all know where to put that. Bad decisions are acceptable. Stupid and bad decisions are acceptable, once in a while, but totally brainless, self-centered, "I think I'm right" plus the stupidity & "Everything goes my way or no way" attitude decisions aren't acceptable if possible. Once or twice or maybe thrice in your lifetime. That's it. If it happens more than that, then you practically aren't learning anything from past experiences.

So I guess I fall in that category. But if I were to give an opinion about myself, it would have been:-

"I don't think that I've learn nothing. I've obviously got some thick head here but doesn't meant that I've shrugged off everything I saw or heard. I might have taken loads of time to think it through, but hardcore pressings have finally made their way through." - Babychocolattes, 06

I guess a "lil a day goes a long way". For everything, nurturing is needed.

Quote to share for the day:

"When a man says you're different from the other girls, it's probably just your name."
*Quoted from www.xanga.com/mamoyo's site. She's an example of a strong woman. I respect her actions and her way of thinking and therefore I've quoted this. I hope she doesn't mind.

Girls, ladies, women- What do you think?

One more note:

"When everything goes wrong, goes totally out of what we've planned, or wanted it to be and when we lose control over everything in a blink of an eye. There...you'll see the fear in his eyes. And then, a panic-stricken, life hater will be born." - Babychocolattes, 06

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You know it, they know it, he knows it and I know it. Think again, if "you, they or he" wants to cover up tracks.


If you thought that was a hate post. Well, it's not. So don't make it into one.

Crap

I've officially not slept for a day.

Am I supposed to be...uhh...proud?

I guess not since I have goldfish eyes.

@@_@@....

Good Morning from...

The cc. It's almost 4am and I have no life. I'm sad, confused and I've heard many things which proves the words that were spoken these 4 months fakes. I was always told to tell the truth, and I have. Whether you want to believe it or not. Up to you.

Yesterday had been a bad day. I was "blamed" for apparently no reason for causing someone's misery. You know sometimes people just have that "I know it's you and I'm VERY sure that you did it" attitude to show that they're right, but let's say if that they're wrong, their ego or somethin is just too high to express a "sorry". Well, that I cannot understand.

Today, I thought that I was going to have a happy night. But it ended up in tears and bigger cries following with sobs. The difference is this time, McD's didn't even help. Ice cream didn't work. So what am I to do?

I had an accusive phone call followed by friends who just ignored me. And here I am wondering what the fucking hell I did wrong...

I thought friends, even when they couldn't stand seeing you sad, they would at least console you or even listen to what you have to say. But not this time. This time, almost everyone that I'm close to has abandoned me. They don't have time to listen, they are to timid or some shit to even look at me, and they choose the chicken way out. That is to IGNORE me.. to not listen to what I have to blab.

If you want to hear the whole story..here it is.

I did not do anything wrong. I did not start the damn fire. I did not make things the way they are. I am just like the rest of you, looking from the outside. This wasn't my fuckin decision and I didn't make any calls. I didn't even talk anyone in to doing this. You think I can manipulate people? Think again. I'm the last person on earth who can.

Was this how I expected to turn out? NO.
Was this how I wanted it to be? NO.
Was this the end that I was "carelessly" and also "happily" looking for? Definitely NO.

Coz obviously some people aren't happy with how things are dealt with here and I don't even know myself anymore.

Imagine. Me. In the cc. At fuckikn 4 am...
I have no life... no one to care for anymore.

I've been blamed for something TRIVIAL that I didn't even commit. And all I was..was being the outside person.

What happened to the truth you so carelessly spoke about?
Then why am I not receiving any news from u?

You fuckin wanna blame me. Go ahead.

Don't say I didn't try to understand the damn situation.
I tried but you didn't even wanna open ur damn mouth to speak about the truth.

Was it all an act?
I don't know.

Why don't you tell me?

I expected people to talk to me nicely. At the least.
But no. All I got was some fucking cursin and a line cut.

If my existence just burdens the 2 most important people in my life, why don't I just fuck off from this world, and not be here anymore. Seems like the whole of this year, I've not been wanted.

Call me taking the easy way out. But that's what i'll do if things don't clear up. Enough prolonging and enough blaming. Someone speak to me. The truth.

I'm done being played with. I don't know who is even real anymore.

If I'm not being played with or blamed. Then what is? What the fucking hell is going on?!

You claim that i seriously don't understand you. You claim that I don't think like you. Well, here's some news. I tried. And you were supposed to at least guide where I'm wrong. Instead, you shut off, and not say a single word. Leaving me here to rot out - guessing.

Enlighten me with your oh so wise decisions and dilemmas. Because I seriously don't know whether I should believe anyone anymore. I've been lied to more than your fingers and toes combined. STOP IT. ENOUGH!! Just tell me the fucking truth and if I don't get it then I'm sorry. But I won't oppose you either. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. So live with it. Or live a lie your whole life.

How much MORE do you all want to break me DOWN?!

I cannot go any further DOWN.

At the least I expect an apology. Because before you know the whole damn story, don't act like you fuckin know everything. Don't insult me and don't push to me ALL the blame.

Talk like humans. Not hulligans. So, one last time, someone, talk to me and get things clear out. Because I'm civilized enough not to get hot-tempered and talk things out.

But one thing, don't play with my life. I have no more life in me for you to play with anymore.

Unexpected twist

You know when you just believe a side of a story, you think it's right. And as right as it can be.

But in reality, it's not.

Wow, I've really been following through the wrong things, and once again, I'm a confused teen, with a "typical" teen complexity. With teen fam probs, and teen friends probs and relationship probs. Ever wonder how you can tell if someone is not telling you the truth?

I've wondered many times, how to see if people were telling me lies or the truth. But, normally, being the reasonable person I am, and finding sense in almost everything people say, I normally, either get conned, or go over another conflict within myself with my head.

Then sometimes, you find out things from other people which makes more sense and it's totally related to the things you're hearing about now. Then you wonder, who am I going to trust? Which story is actually true? And having said that, curiousity does kill the cat. It's the most cruel thing it can do to people's minds. So, excessive thinking will start, and questioning will commence.

Thus, you will get a totally confused person questioning about life and the people living with it.

Right now, my conscience is kicking in, and I'm about to ruin someone else's life just because I exist. Was this how I wanted it to be? No. Was this how I thought it would end up like? No. It's a terribly sudden suprise that things are happening so fast and it doesn't give you time to think of your actions.

I know I may not have the biggest problem of all (Family break downs, killing someone, going to jail, financially broke, ill stricken), but I'm in a dilemma coz I don't know what to think. For once, my brain has not come up with any answers.

If only, we could've been friends. Or get to know each other. It's not too late.

For a person like me, I can't see why people would say that I always put blame on others, or somethin. For example,"Why do you blame me?" or "Why do you always think and say I'm wrong?" or "You don't know how it is for me" or "You think it's so blardy easy huh?"

The thing is... I hardly blame anyone; only myself.

There was once I only knew how to take the hits, and spare none for myself to hit. But now, I've realized, all those years, my pride & dignity has gone down the drain without me noticing. The things I do, and the things I say, really plays a big part in my social life.

Sometimes I think it's a burden to have such a caring heart. Or a kind one at that. I'm not trying to be perasan or watev k. Its' just who I am, and for those who knows me well, they should know that I speak the truth. A person like me, you think I can give you a bombastic lie? No, I don't think so. Trivial lies, white lies, who can't right? Even a small kid can. So i'd be lying if I told you I can't even tell a lie.

But to those who wants to create a bombastic lie, please, think again coz...
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"For every lie, there is another bigger lie and bigger price to pay." - Babychocolattes, 06

Sweetest things...

Come in thoughts with thoughts.

Sweetest thing guys have ever done for me or to me:-

- Suprise visits
- Birthday bash
- Flowers
- Chocolates- Teddy bears- Being a gentleman
- Call me up in the middle of the night, to say he can't sleep
- Write poems to me
- Anonymous letters
- Suprise date
- Holiday (Just the 2 of us) - not literally though :P
- Getting a "cake splat" delight on my face!

- Suprise kisses and cuddles

I just have to tell this one story =X Here goes:-

There was a guy who fell in love with this girl. But the guy's family was very traditional and therefore will not let him marry or even be with this girl who isn't financially stable, who doesn't have a mom; only a dad. So he was terribly upset but he couldn't defy his family because they've told her to get away from him and never to show her face ever. They even paid for her to go overseas; somewhere far far away. They didn't tell the guy where she went and therefore he couldn't find her.

Until one day, two years later, he was still searching. Due to his work as a directing manager, or something like that, he had to travel to Japan. He met this travelling agency at the airport, and apparently he saw her as one of the guides. He asked for the name card from one of the tourists, and alas, it was her! [Psst...that means they were meant to be together]

So he signed up for one of the tours the agency was giving and feinted his name. She didn't know until she picked him up from the airport and suprisingly to her, it was him! :P (Aiyoh, typical lah). Anyway, she had to ignore him, because she couldn't be with him and it would hurt her to see him again. She asked him to leave but he wouldn't. After 2 years of searching, who would want to just let it go there and then rite?

So, she went to her car, and he followed her. She kept asking him to go away. Then he asked whether she would let him ride in her car because he had no transport. She asked him to look for a taxi and pay with his credit card. He, being so in love with her, took his wallet out and broke all the credit cards into halves.

She stood there in awe. Then he said, "Hah. Now I don't have any money, so you're gonna have to take care of me."

In short, he's a damn sweet guy. Lol. That really proves how much he loved and loves her =) If only reality had these fairy tale like stories. I had but now no more.

Sweetest things I've done for a guy:-

- Walk all the way to a place, to get his fav drink
- Suprise props for bdays
- Baking cakes- Baking cookies
- Making food
- Volunteering to get things for him & friends
- Help with assignments
- Special teddy bears
- Suprise visits
- Poems
- Talking to parents
- Handmade presents
- Hugs & Kisses by surpise- Telling you "I love you and will always do"
- Sewed a bean bag (With engravings)
- Secret Indulgence
- Became an alarm clock. Whenever. Wherever.

Lol this alarm clock, you have to complete the puzzle then the alarm sound will snooze! *creative*

- Morning visits! (Only he who has gotten it, knows~)
- Cooking together
- Cam-whore
- Dance for a bit
- Just being happy & Spontaneous
- Letters
- Offer my jacket, even when I was cold
- Push him into either a pool or drain! :P LOL!

Well, I don't know whether that was sweet to you guys but, I'm sure some of it were deemed as sweet. No matter; as long as it's from the heart and it's sincere, how big the present/suprise is.. size don't matter.

That's it for now I think.
My brain just froze and I couldn't think of anythin else.
So, I shall post it again, on the 1 yr anniversary date of this post! :P

7 more days a.k.a one more week to remember a special moment. I ain't telling you all what. It's between me and my other gender partner. :P Hahaha.

Hurtful things hit you before you even know it...

Friends aren't friends when they blabber about you.

Occasional bitching is fine. But when bad things happen, and they act like they care for you but actually there are intentions behind it.

Sometimes you meet ppl, whom you don't know... and suddenly they start talking about ur exs and they actually know things. Wow. It hurts to listen to what they have to say, talking about ur exs current girlfriend and everything. It's stupid I know. But still, sure terasa a lil.

I could only love from behind the shadows. The love which until now, only I could understand. I'm hanging by a thread. No support. No big big teddy bear to bounce off when I fall. I'm quite alone if you see it my way.

I've had it. WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS WORLD? WHY DO THINGS HAVE TO BE SO BLOODY FREAKING TOUGH FOR ME TO HANDLE. EVERY SINGLE TIME I TRY.... I ONLY END UP IN MISERY.

FUCKING HELL... GOD WAHT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! I'VE HIDDEN MY EMOTIONS KNOWING THAT I'LL GET HURT IF I SHOW IT...

I'VE DONE THINKING TOO MUCH KNOWING THAT IT WOULD EVENTUALLY LEAD TO UNHAPPINESS.

I'VE DONE THINGS NATURALLY AND THINGS GET OUT OF HAND.

I KNOW I'M A LIL BLUR AND STRAIGHT FORWARD SOMETIMES BUT DOES IT MEAN THAT I'M STUPID AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING?

WHY DO YOU GET MAD AT ME WHEN ALL I TRY TO DO IS TALk?

WHY DO YOU GET ALL WORKED UP BECAUSE I TALK TO YOU..

WHY IS IT RARELY THAT WE GET A CIVILIZED CONVO?

I HAVE NO BLOODY INTENTIONS TO FIGHT.. AND YET SUCH HURTFUL WORDS CAN BE SAID.

PLEASE UNDERSTAND MY FUCKING POSITION. I'M NO BETTER THAN YOU ARE. IT'S BEEN TOUGH AND HEART BREAKING AND TIRING TO GO EVEN WAKE UP EVERY MORNING KNOWING THAT YOUR DREAM HAS BEEN CRUSHED INTO MORE THAN A THOUSAND PIECES.

I LIVED THROUGH THAT EVERY BLOODY DAY. FOR ALMOST A BLOODY YEAR.

I'VE PROBABLY CONFIDE IN ALL THE FRIENDS I HAVE. AND THEY PROBABLY GOT SICK AND TIRED OF ME NOT TRYING TO MOVE ON. YOU THINK IT'S SO FUCKIN EASY HUH? PLEASE, RETHINK WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

I FUCKING DON'T GO TO SCHOOL. YOU THINK I'M HAVING LOADS OF FUN?!

ALL I WANT IS TO DO IS HAVE MY HAPPY SELF AGAIN. TO BE ABLE TO DO THINGS WITHOUT A BARRIER. I JUST NEED WARMTH FROM THE PAST. THOUGH IT SEEMS LIKE A LOT TO ASK, BUT THAT'S ALL I NEED RIGHT NOW.

REGAINING MYSELF, MY THOUGHTS; THAT IS FREAKING TOUGH RIGHT NOW.

I HAVE TO GO THROUGH ARGUING WITH MY MOM AND DAD AND BROTHER FOR GODS SAKE... EVERY FUCKING DAY. BUT WHEN I COME ONLINE... IM A HAPPY GIRL. OR AT LEAST I TRY TO.

THAT TAKES SO MUCH OUT OF ME AND I'M ALSO AT A DEAD END RIGHT NOW. I FEEL SO BAD AND SO FREAKING USELESS EVERY SINGLE TIME WHEN I HAVE A CHANCE TO TALK TO YOU, IT ENDS UP IN A DISAGREEMENT OR SOMEONE BEING UNHAPPY.

I've done it. I'm crushed. I don't know what to do.

Sleeping at 5am in the morning doesnt help.

Eating doesn't help.

Reasoning with my self doesnt bloody help too.

I even blame my stupid self for just TRYING or DOING MY BEST or DOING WHAT I CAN. But to no avail. As it is only looked from one angle.

Right now, I don't even know who to believe. I don't believe what anyone says.

You say you love me? Show me.
You say you want me? Show me.
You say you wanna be my friend? show me.
You wanna show me that ur telling the truth? Prove it. Do it.

If you don't want me. Say so.
I've heard so many things. So many lies so many rumors. I don't know what to believe.

Maybe I am being used. Maybe not. But who am I to judge.

I've been so afraid. So confused. I can't think anymore. So someone please tell me... what is it that is fucking going on.

Am I being played here?

Have I been living in a world of lies?

Wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf????!?!?!?!?!?

In the end, not everything is as sweet as candy and not everything is true when you look at it.

Noooooo!!!

The korean series "My girl" is coming to an end soon !!

Cannot accept! T_T

I wished that it would continue as long as winter sonata or maybe that "cooking korean drama series" that is oh so famous. The one with the maid in the castle, working as a cook. Hundred over episodes wei that one!

The one on the left is him of coz!

Oh, my dear Gong-chan >"<.........

Ahhh ~~ The cuteness *wails*

Hopefully, in time to come...there would be korean series like this again. Modern and cute. Entertaining and dramatic! I loveeeee. Although I do admit... all that crying and suspense scene.. is DAMN boring! Argh.. I wished I can just fast forward to a more interesting part :P I wonder what shows are comin up soon ... *wonders*

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Babychocolattes is currenly in heart-throbbing mode :P LOL!! Toodles for now :)

Ding dong bell, wedding & the ball =)

I've been feeling a lil princessy today.. so I decided to post up pics of wedding gowns. Some are simple, some are pretty and some are just plain but gorgeous =) Though, there is one, that I've loved for so long... came out in a magazine..and I havent seen any gowns which can top that... But sadly I can't find that picture so use your imagination! :P

Dong!....Dong! *Trumpet plays*

The Princesses have arrived!

I was just wondering how nice it would be if I could wear wedding gowns and model them :P *I wish* Hahaha. But one can dream right? Who knows it might happen...althought it doesn't look like it will today =)

Temptation.

Sweet but flirty.

Simple but pretty.

Alluring.

Pouty.

Pretty Princessy.

Elaborate but still nice.

Simple but gorgeous.

Fun and cheeky.

Sensational.

A wonder.

various dresses.

Powerful.

Kinda romantic.

Well...that's all for now because there loads more to post. Maybe some other time =) For now...just...
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float...
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Imagine...
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and...
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Dream on...........till there are no more dreams.

My Girl

The cast of Korean drama series "My Girl" =) It shows at 8.30pm every Mon-Fri on Channel 18 :) The main cast.. I wont say any names!

The obvious main character. The heroin!

The obvious guy who falls in love with the heroin. The HERO! LENG CHAI rightttttt >"< *heart throbbing*

I have no idea where this was taken. But it looks hot when 2 lovers are kissin :P

The eye candy of the show. He looks cuter than this. I assure u :P

The 2 playful hero and heroin of the show!

I think that everyone must watch this show! It's cute, funny and loving all at the same time. And most importantly! The hottieeee arghhhhhhhhhhh *heart throbs even more* He's just so cool in the show that you have to watch himmmmmmmmmmmmmmm *kyaaaaaaaaaaa*

Okay, I should stop here before I get any hyper-er and crazee-errr :D

Toodles! Niterz ya'll :P

Otaku desu ka?

I think you ppl now should have known that I love prince like characters, be it in reality or fantasy. Well I present to you...the characters of Ouran High School Host Club members!

A group pic!

This is Fujioka Haruhi. HE is actually a girl. (Refer to synopsis at the end of post)

This is how haruhi is supposed to be like. Girly. She always has a stand of her own. If she disagrees with you, she would voice it out. But sometimes too straight forwardly. She actually cares for Tamaki but doesn't really show it as everyone else refers to the "king" as a baka! Hehe. She's the main character in this show. When the first club members saw her and spoke to her, they called her the "Commoner" coz she didn't have the wealthy life like the rest. She is the one who normally puts sense into the other host members except for Kyouya maybe :P

This is the prince charming character. Suou Tamaki a.k.a Tamaki senpai! He's really cute and romantic =) He's the Prince-like host. But an idiot at times. Funny though. He's also known as the"Lord or King" of the host club. In other words, the president! But he doesn't act like one though :P lol.

Ootori Kyouya. The Vice-president of the club. Also known as the "Shadow King" and the "cool-type" of host because he always work only if there are benefits =) Not really a morning person. If you wake him up when he's still sleeping nicely, he'll show you "that" face up there. He's also the "treasurer" and money making person in the club. Mysterious but me likes!

Protective side of kyouya. He has feelings like anyone else; just that he shows it more "professionally" :P

The twins. Hitachiin Kaoru and Hikaru. They have that really gayish brotherly love that they show in the series. Always together, finishing each others sentences and selling their brotherly love to the "customers" as entertainment, the hosts' way. Known for their playful-ness :P Very cheeky and always playing pranks on ppl, especially the Lord xD

The one on the left is Mitsukuni Honey. He's known as the Loli-Shota type of host with a mixture of incredible exagerration of cute-ness and puppy-face persuasion. He's actually a martial artist. Doesn't look like one yes? Well, looks can be deceiving. He likes sweet things and has an obsession with cute stuff. But nevertheless, treat him and his friends badly, and you'll get more than a spank in the ass!

Morinozuka Takashi. He's the most quiet member of all. Not really the talkative kind or the cool kind. He's more of the wild kind as he's very protective when it comes to Honey-senpai! He's in charge of taking care of Honey-senpai and he's also a martial artist! Not much a bout him, but he has feelings too!

Synopsis:-

Haruhi, is a special transfer student to a school called Ouran High School. This school is meant for VERY VERY rich people and it's the most "prestigious" school in Japan. One day, Haruhi wanted to study in a quiet room, but everywhere she went was full of people and the atmosphere was noisy! Then, she came across this room called "The 3rd Music Room"; apparently it was supposed to be empty...but it wasn't!

That was the room where the "Host Club" took place. She went in, not knowing and got into some interrogation session with the host members. The host members didn't know that Haruhi was a girl (no assets I guess :P) and mistook her for a guy.

Just for the record, Host members are these bunch of handsome guys who open their services to lady "customers". Services meaning - their attention, their time, their words and everything else that can make a lady feel as if they're in a fairy tale :) *ahh..such a wonderful school*

Well, u can see how the school compound is like...but I suggest to use your own imagination. It has clock towers, king-like dining halls, hugeee hugee porch, swimming pool(s), and imagine that they "uniforms" the girls wear, are actually dresses! So yeah, imagine =)
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Anyway, while "arguing" with the members, she accidentaly knocks down an expensive antique vase and was made sure by the "vice-president" of the club to pay up for the loss. Thus, she had to become one of them. To pay up for her "debt", Kyouya designated her to do trivial jobs such as making coffee, going to the grocery to get stuff, and cleaning the room, stuff like that. Her actions were paid attention to, and slowly, each of the host members realized that there was something not right with the whole situation. That, she was a girl. The first to notice was, Kyouya, then the Hitachiin twins and then Mori and Honey-senpai.

The incident which lead to a full conformation was that one day, Tamaki aka the "Lord" was entertaining his "customer" but he kept on looking at the new rookie "Haruhi". His customer got jealous and gradually developed a hate feeling for Haruhi. It was to the extend where she threw Haruhi's belongings into the pond at the school's garden pond.

Obviously Haruhi took notice of her hatred towards her, and looked for her belongings. When she found it at the pond, she noticed her wallet was missing. It was very important to her as she was not one of the wealthy rich kids like the others. She got into the school with a scholarship. So, Tamaki came by and helped her look for it and they eventually found it.

Later on, the Host members were wondering who could have done it. While they were thinking, Haruhi got designated to the girl who threw her stuff to the pond. The girl threatened Haruhi not to get too close to Tamaki and made a scene out of it. She pushed the table, and made Haruhi drop on top of her, making it look like Haruhi was trying to take advantage of her. (Though it can't be done; she's a girl afterall).

But then, Tamaki saw right through her, and her actions. It all made sense. While the girl was shouting at Haruhi, the twins poured tea on her making Haruhi wet too. Then the girl left, sobbing out of embarassment. Tamaki told Haruhi to change into another pair of uniforms and so she went. But she took longer than they expected and went into the changing room to check on her. That was when her secret blew.

Tamaki saw her wearing a bra and totally freaked. He was the last to know that she was a girl. And that's why we call him the "baka King". He's very blur at times.

And so, begun the time when Haruhi was officially a Host member and she maintained disguised as a guy, enteratining "customers"...working to pay off her debt. Which eventually led to having fun, bonding with the other members and slowly becoming a "family".

This anime has a total of 26 eps. Nice to watch. Entertaining but not one of the best I've watched! But still.. it was fun =) It always made my day :)